healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Friday, March 29, 2013

30km

Today was beautiful. I knew I had to take advantage of the beautiful weather today rather than waiting to do my super long run of 29km on Sunday (snow is in the forecast that day). I ate a delicious gluten free Udi's Bagel 1/2 topped with PB & Banana and the other 1/2 topped with Sunflower Butter/Cookie Butter & Banana. Iced coffee on the side.

Headed out at 0945. I only wore a light long sleeve shirt over my running tank. That's how beautiful it was. I started out and felt great. Sun shining down, slight breeze, legs felt fresh. Ate my first GU at 8km, and thought, hey, I think I will make it an even 30km today instead of 29km. I ran and ran and ran and ate my next GU at 16km. I also took off my top layer because I was shweaty by that point.

Kept on running, and at my last GU at 23km. My hips felt pretty tight, and my calves were starting to ache, I was glad to be heading in to the last 7km.

At the 27th kilometer I really started to hurt. I felt tired, sore, and ready to be done. I literally repeated "Run. Just Run." from the 29th km until I finished. I think at that point I would have just needed some kind of sustenance. My stomach was growling, I started to feel pretty weak.

I think maybe I should eat something at the 30th km? I thought maybe a Lara Bar. Anyone eat one of these while running a long distance before? I figure it would be good because it is natural-ish ingredients and depending on the kind I buy it would have no added sugars but a good amount of carbs. Thoughts?

I only have 2 more Super Long runs before my marathon. In 2 weeks I will do 33km and then when I return from Mexico I will do a 36km run. WOAH.

What do you use for running fuel?

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Lately

It has been quite a while since my last post.

Marathon Training is going well. As good as I could have hoped for aside from the shitty cold temps on Sundays.

Work is going excellent. I won an award and am going to California for a week long learning experience in May.

Dogs are good. Tucker is doing much better but his leg hair won’t grow back. Rosie is still Rosie. Hank is a cute little goof. He is so afraid and timid of everything and so loving at the same time.

Wedding planning …. Ahhhh… still avoiding that. But yesterday I made a list of everything I have to do and so this week I plan on tackling that.

Matthias is working out of town so it has been a bit tricky juggling EVERYTHING on my own. But it is financially helpful right now considering all of the expenses coming up soon.

MEXICO IN 19 DAYS. OHMYGOSHICANTWAIT.

So, other than the above update I wanted to just stop by and say that right now I am working on healing. I am taking some much deserved time to work through some unresolved grief. These are things I don’t fully feel ready to talk about here, partly because I don’t know what to say. I just feel like I have lost a bit of my sunshine. I am working hard to get it back.

Talk to you all soon.

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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Winner

winnerCongratulations Glogirl!

Email me at amiehutton(at)live(dot)ca and I will send you your prize. Thank you so much to all that entered and to those that have been reading what my crazy brain has been spewing out for the last 3 years. It means more to me than I can express through typing.
A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment but the memory of sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it. A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

:)


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Saturday, March 9, 2013

3 Years and a Giveaway


3 years of change.

3 years of consciously working on myself.

3 years of trying to make healthy choices.

3 years of meeting new people, making new friends.

3 years of sharing my accomplishments.

3 years of sharing my struggles.

Here's to many more, thank you for reading.

Comment and enter to win a giveaway of a box of some of my favorite healthy goodies!


Draw will be made March 13th, 2013, open to residents in Canada and the US only.


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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Working Towards Acceptance

I set a pretty lofty goal for myself this year when I declared 2013 the Year of Acceptance.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am always up for a challenge, but this one seems especially daunting as I have to reshape my entire relationship with myself, with food, and with my past.

I don't get in to a lot of family stuff here, but there is a pretty big story behind me, one with lots of instability, upset, and repressed thoughts of rejection. Working towards Acceptance means finally dealing with all of that, not just shoving it deeper and deeper down inside me until I have a breakdown.

In November, I met a blood relative that I had not seen since I was 6. This relative and I had been talking for a few months prior to meeting. I was really uncertain about meeting them, because I didn't know what it would mean, and where our relationship would go. I guess to sum it up, the meeting went okay, it was the after that didn't go so well. I emailed this individual and tried to express my truest self to them, explain the situation as I had perceived it, get everything out there. I got no response. Nothing. No words to say "Hey I got your message, but I don't have a response". I was left hanging. So a few days passed and I sent another message explaining that it was fine if they had nothing to say, but I would like to contact some other relatives and thank them and apologize for what had happened in the past. Again, nothing.

November is when I really started noticing a decline with my overall feelings of well being. I think old wounds were re-opened and a lot of un-dealt with feelings resurfaced. I have really felt like I have been struggling ever since. I go through my day to day stuff, I exercise, I eat, I engage in hobbies, I work. But its this constant nagging of defeated self worth, something I thought I had dealt with over a year ago.

I feel the rejection fresh. I feel like I am 6 years old again. Waiting, waiting, waiting, for my biological father to come, but never showing up.

It hurts. It feels really unfair. It makes me wonder "Why me?" and "Am I that bad of person?" and "Why am I not good enough for him?"

To me, Disordered Eating habits are a way to find control in an uncontrollable situation. I attribute my disordered eating to my turbulent childhood. Whether it be eating too much, or eating too little, I am looking to grasp on to any control I can. To feel like no one but me can make the decisions of what I eat and what I don't eat.

I have been tossing around the idea of seeing a therapist for over a year now. As a professional in the mental health field, I am all about getting outside, expert opinions on what is going on in the brain. I just wasn't sure my case was "severe enough" or "worthy enough" of actually talking to another professional about it.

Well, I finally caved and did a walk in appointment at the Local Community Mental Health Clinic. Last week, I met my therapist for the first time.

I spent pretty well the entire hour crying. I do that when I get emotional, so it was no surprise to me. I expect I will cry at the next few sessions as well. We discussed some of my history, some of my support, and what coping skills I have. I found it very helpful to talk to someone who doesn't "know" the people I am dealing with, so I feel like I am finally sharing what is happening with unbiased ears.

She gave me some questions to think about and some homework to do regarding tracking how I am feeling when I eat, and where my thoughts are going.

The one question that really stood out to me was this:

What would it mean to me if I gained more weight? If the number on the scale increased, if my pant size went up?

I'm still not entirely certain of how to articulate an answer to these questions just quite yet. But I know that what immediately comes to mind is this:

  • I am a failure. Just like my mother. Failure is what is expected of me.

  • I am worthless. My father didn't love me, I don't love me, no one can love me.

  • I am valued by the number on the scale, the size of my pants, and the control I have over what I eat.

  • If I gain weight, I will face rejection again, not rejection from Matthias, my Step Dad, and my family, but rejection from myself.


So here I sit, journalling, blogging, trying to release my connection with size and value, and trying to accept that I can eat what I want, when I want, without it controlling my life.

I haven't found Acceptance yet, but I am taking baby steps towards it. I am not sure what weight or size acceptance will be found at, but I am hoping it will be one where I am happy and proud of my body, rather than continuously scrutinizing and belittling it.

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

What I Ate Wednesday - Bringin' it back.



Why hello Wednesday. It has been a while since I have been cognizant of what I am eating during you.

I am really really really trying to jump on the mindful eating train. Every day I wake up and tell myself: YOU HAVE TO BE MEXICO-READY. Oh yeah! I spontaneously booked a pre-wedding trip for Matthias and I to Mexico in precisely 38 days. AHHHHH, I need to get Meh-hee-coh Ready! Here is an attempt at doing just that.

WIAWnew

Breakfast; The BEST oats, topped with Raspberries and Crunchy Cookie Butter. I die.

Snack; Soy Decaf Misto from Dose <3 and a handful of Creme Brulee Candies from Starbucks that I keep hidden in my glove box.

Lunch; Toasted English Muffin with smashed Avocado & Egg, Carrots, Cucumber and Mmmm Sauce, and a Almond Rolled Date.

Snack; Cookie Dough Tea & Square of Chocolate.

Supper; Sushi feast with my sister! I had about 6 pieces of Veggie Sushi, a Mexican Cone thing with some type of raw fish?, 3.5 pieces of Veggie Tempura (the best.), and some Edamame, for dessert we shared an order of the deep fried Green Tea Ice Cream.

Snacks; 1 Mini Lemon Poppy Seed Scone, fresh from the oven.

How do I feel about today's intake? Well pretty good considering I ate out. I was hoping she would choose a place where I could just have a salad, but Sushi REALLY hit the spot tonight. I think my eating was pretty well balanced with the activity I did (Crossfit was a Doozy). All in all, it was acceptable in my books.

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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Hypothermic 1/2 Marathon - Race Recap

Lets talk about what makes a run good and what makes a run bad, shall we?

Good:

  • The Sun - I love having the rays shine down on me.

  • A bit of a breeze, but not to strong - to cool me down.

  • Like +10 weather is just perfect.

  • When my playlist picks good songs when on Shuffle.

  • Seeing a good km split on my Nike Watch

  • Time going by quickly

  • Fueling properly so that you never feel fatigued


Bad:

  • Rain

  • Snow

  • Strong Wind

  • Uneven ground, making it slippery

  • Heavy Legs

  • Not going to the bathroom before running

  • Having to go to the bathroom while running

  • Blisters

  • Chafing

  • Slow times


Why did I review these things, you ask?

selfWell, today I ran half marathon.

And it was awful.

weather snow

It was blizzarding out. It was slippery. It was humid. It was windy. The ground was uneven, so I used a whole lotta stabilizing muscles and had to significantly slow my pace so that I wouldn't fall.

medal

I fueled beautifully for this race and my legs felt fresh. Had the weather conditions been nicer, it would have been the perfect run.

blisters

Alas, I ended up with huge blisters and an Amie Personal Worst at 2:31:46. Could be worse I guess :P
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