Wednesday, February 27, 2013
I won the giveaway they were hosting for their Clean Up Challenge by total fluke, but I ain't complaining ;)
Check out this loot!
Yup. That would be a bag of Love Crunch in Carrot Cake, 2 Vega Smoothies, 7 Different Bars, a Bar of Dark Chocolate (possibly my favorite thing out of this whole package if I had to pick something!), a Rainbow of Zevia, and a Clean Eating Cookbook!
I plan on not sharing any of it with Matthias.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
5 Rounds for Time:
- 5 KB Front Squats (16kg)
- 10 Box Jumps (20in)
- 15 Wall Balls (10lb, prescribed was 14lb)
Ouch. Not to me mention the 10 Pistols per leg x3 prior to. My legs are already sore. Which just means they are going to be SOOO sore tomorrow.
I read this nifty book called the Conscious Cleanse after ready a post by The Healthy Everythingtarian.
I really appreciated the book, I enjoyed how it focused on cleansing more than just the body, but also the mind and spirit.
Now we all know that I am pretty bad at cleansing. Partly because I am so busy that it is hard to pick the RIGHT time (an excuse that they address in the book) and partly because I feel like if I get caught in the restriction game I could easily fall back in to old, scary habits.
So while I strongly considered it, I decided against doing it totally on their terms.
It did seem to give me the motivation to cut back dairy, sugar, and coffee though. I have been going 4 days without (or with very LITTLE amounts) and I feel much better. Day 1 was bad, I was an emotional mess. Day 2 started out with a killer caffeine headache that lasted until about 8pm, and Day 3 was better, although I did eat out at my favorite restaurant (Cafe Mosaics, HOLLA), which of course meant I ate their Vegan Chocolate Cake. Day 4 is good! I had a Decaf Soy Coffee Misto in lieu of regular caffeine and I had 2 squares of Dark Chocolate following supper. Crazy Cravings and Random Grazing seem to be under control right now.
I'm not counting calories, but I am trying to be conscientious of the nutritional value of my foods and right now it seems to be working. I have been drinking lots of lemon water and tea (the caffeine free kind). I didn't feel up to exercising the first few days but feel ready to get back in it.
I feel like I have tailored what they suggest to fit my lifestyle right now. I am running a half marathon in under 2 weeks and continuing to train for a full marathon. A total cleanse wouldn't work for me right now, but focusing on better nutrition does.
Motivation = Check!
Lets see how long it lasts.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Please note: The 55lb bar that was turned in to a 65lb bar, the SIXTEEN complete rounds I got in!! (Goal was a mere 10), the Smiley Face next to the 200 Double Unders, and the fact that I got my first crossfit related blister EVER on my pinky finger.
I am a Crossfit Lady Beast.
Monday, February 11, 2013
- Um. Srsly. What have I been doing to Hydrate prior to using a camelback? Oh right. Nothing. L.i.f.e. C.h.a.n.g.i.n.g.
2. I signed myself and Matthias up for the Color Me Rad 5k in June! It is exactly one week before my wedding. Our Team name is TeamWeddingInAWeek.
3. I like dark chocolate. My motto is usually The Darker the Better. This stuff, not so much. It was all oily in my mouth and left a salty after taste. Not good. I think about 90% is my max.
4. I managed to fashion a treadmill desk by taking a shelf off of my movie shelf (which is packed awkwardly with movies now that it is minus a shelf) and placing it on the 2 handlebars of my treadmill. Some might call me a revolutionist. Some would just call me a walking enthusiast. I have been reading on it. Watching Game of Thrones on my laptop on it. Heck even writing this post while walking on it.
5. This quote:
If you really tasted the food that was in your mouth - really, truly tasted it - you could not overeat. There would be a feast in each bite. Just so, if you really saw the person in front of you, the sky above you, the coffee cup in front of you, you would be knocked over by the beauty. You would feel, in each step, with each bite, that the purpose of being alive was unfolding in you - and you would know that that was all you ever wanted.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I will never be a size 2 again.
I will never weigh 120lb again.
Nor do I want to.
The more I reflect on that time of my life, the more I realize how unhealthy some of my behaviors were. I was sliding down the anorexia slope. I was severely restricting my intake while excessively doing cardio for up to 2 hours a day.
Confession: I tried to purge. Probably about 10 times. I was unsuccessful every time. It was like my stomach was "hanging on" to the food. I would be standing over the toilet and I would snap to it and think "What the fuck am I doing?" I was so ashamed. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do.
So what do we call it? Disordered eating or an Eating disorder?
What helped me get out of it before it got even more out of control? Well probably Matthias... getting back together with him really helped to increase not only my calorie intake but to reflect on my exercise habits.
It has been 1 year and 2 months since we got back together.
In that time I have gained 25lb. (Not all fat, but not all muscle either)
The disordered brain thinks that number is absolutely unacceptable. It tells me over and over I am fat, I am a failure, I should restrict my calories, run more, eat less. It tells me that my thighs are huge and my fingers are fat. That I am going to be the size I used to be in no time. I am going to become obese again.
The rational brain thinks its not ideal, but its not terrible either. It is realistic that my exercise habits and eating habits have changed. It is evident that I am more well rounded with my fitness at this time, I am stronger and faster than I was 25lb ago. I am so not perfect. I eat too much chocolate and I graze on nuts and nut butters. I eat mostly whole foods. I am active 4-5ish days a week. 145lb (give or take a few ;)) is not fat. Remember how my original goal weight was 140lb? What happened to that.
It became a competition against myself. I got to 140? I could get to 135....130....125... 120. Then when I got there I hadn't considered what it would take to stay there.
The two biggest triggers are standing on the scale and going up a pant size. I dread Sunday's because they are my "Weigh Day". I tried on my shorts (size 4) from last summer and spent at least 30 minutes crying because they don't fit the right way. I had to buy new work pants (size 6) because the 4s are too tight to be comfortable and flattering.
All of these things = Meltdown Amie.
It seems like no one knows what to say to comfort me either. The disordered brain gets in the way of that. No one understands. Matthias suggested talking to my trainer about it.
She is a body builder. So she ends up putting on a bunch of weigh in muscle but having little body fat. Then when it is time for her competition she has to drop e.v.e.r.y bit of fat she has on her body while maintaining muscle size. So she goes from a healthy 160lb and 11% body fat to 115lb and 5% body fat.
Here are some comforting things she said:
- We (her and I) have the same body shape, I always joke that I can have a 6 pack and a fat ass at the same time.
- When I am 115lb I feel like shit. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant train the way I want to train. I feel like a zombie. I am cold all the time. I am exhausted. But I look fucking great. Is it worth it? No.
- So you have put on the majority of your weight in your legs? (As evidenced by the tight pants and increase in inches) Well.... maybe Crossfit isn't for you then.
- You need to think of realistic and rational goals. Whether it be a number, a pant size, or inches, you need to outline what you want to feel happy. Then when you achieve those goals you need to not challenge yourself to lose more or get smaller. You need to accept that you have achieved them and maintain.
I can relate to all of these things. She knew just what to say to bring me back from the darkness that I was slipping in to. It also made me really reflect on Crossfit. I find that the majority of the WOD's have lots of leg work in them. So no wonder my legs have gotten bigger. I know I have put on muscle since I started. I couldn't do a single Crossfit push up and now I can do 10 in a row. Would I really consider giving up Crossfit just so my leg muscles wouldn't grow? Could I live without having a space between my thighs and with my thighs rubbing together when I walk? What about the extra cellulite I have now?
I have come to the conclusion that I love doing Crossfit more than I love wearing a size 4 pant. Therefore, Crossfit will continue and I will keep fighting the negative thoughts that arise from wearing a size 6. On a side note - remember when I bought my first size 6? Why can't I be that happy about it still?
I needed to outline some realistic goals that will make me happy and that I think I will be able to maintain. Here is what I came up with:
- 135lb. (Range from 130-140lb)
- Vegetarian lifestyle with moderation of dairy.
- Run a full marathon in 2013.
- Maintain an active lifestyle; 5 days of activity, 2 days of rest.
- Size 4/6 pants most days.
- Size M top.
- Continue Crossfit.
- Eat dark chocolate and 1 small treat every day. Limit big treats to 2x week.
So there we have it. This is where I am at right now. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Sorry for the excessive length of this post.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Here are the rules of the Liebster Award:
- When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you.
- Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (make sure you tell them you nominated them!) and ask them 11 questions.
- You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you!
- Make sure the blogs you choose have 200 or less followers.
- Include a link to the person who nominated you & let them know about your post
Neat. Lets go!
11 Random Facts:
- I hate being called "Babe." I don't know what it is about that word, but I have made it clear to all of my past boyfriends, and especially to Matthias that I hate it.
- I am 5 minutes early to everything. Being carelessly late is my pet peeve.
- I am more flexible on my left side. When I was in dance, I could do the Left sided splits no problem-o, even though I am right handed.
- I have lived in 5 different cities and 3 provinces, and moved 20+ times.
- I collect magnets from places I go. If friends go somewhere neat I get them to bring me back a magnet from their destination.
- I have been Facebook-Free for a year. I don't miss it at all!
- My favorite color is Greeeeeeen.
- My favorite food is Banana's. I could eat em' all day every day.
- If I was any animal it would be something from the feline family.
- I loathe dusting.
- I am not artistic at all. My drawing skills = the level of a 5 year old.
The Questions Asked by Becky:
1) What shows are you watching right now? I am considering myself more and more of a TV Snob... right now I am loving Game of Thrones and Girls. Pretty much ANYTHING on HBO.
2) What is your guilty pleasure music? Britney Spears.
3) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose? Banana's :)
4) What was the first thing you learned to cook? Hm... I would say probably French Toast or Brownies.
5) If you could go anywhere in the world to volunteer, where would you go and what would you do? India, and I would do nursing there :) Public Health Stuff - Immunizations, Education, ext...
6) What was your first concert? Britney Spears when I was 9 :)
7) What household chore do you hate doing the most? Dusting! Jeeze, I didn't read these before I did my random facts but Becky and I were thinking along the same lines.
8) Beer, wine or cocktail? All 3 please.
9) Have you ever been sky diving or bungee jumping? Nope and I don't think I ever would be able to... I am too scared of giving up control :P
10) What is your favorite restaurant? Cafe Mosiacs in Edmonton!
11) What would your perfect day consist of? Coffee, a delicious breakfast, a walk at the dog park, the perfect crossfit workout, reading, a bath, and my house being cleaned. Its the little things :D
- What are you reading currently?
- Do you have any embarrassing old screen names from email or MSN?
- What is your favorite summer time memory?
- Blackberry, Android, or Iphone?
- Favorite food to cook?
- Favorite workout?
- If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why?
- What is your biggest pet peeve?
- What is your favorite quote or mantra?
- Have you ever climbed a mountain? Which one?
- Favorite outdoor activity?
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
- Complete all of my Training Runs - I am okay to swap around some of my Cross Days to do other activities but I want to make sure that I get in ALL of the runs.
- Appreciate my Body Everyday - Whether it be through something like a relaxing bath, getting a massage, doing yoga, or simply reinforcing that my body is O.K. at this size, I want to appreciate the vehicle that my soul has. It is strong, and it carries me through work, running, and everything in between.
- Be more conscious when I eat - Ahhh.. always a hard one for me. I like to pound food back like it is going out of style. I am hoping that this will help me stop my grazing as well. Or at least significantly reduce it.
- Lose 4 pounds - My wedding dress arrived and it is a wee bit tight at the top of the zipper. Now, I know I have put on lots of back muscles, actually, lots of muscles everywhere, but I would really like it to fit without alterations ;)
- Fit my Summer Shorts - This one is a little bit more long term, but I really want to fit the shorts I bought last summer......... I don't know how possible this one is though because of the muscle I have put on my legs from doing crossfit. Now, I am not completely naive. I know some of it is fat too, but I am hoping that by being more conscious of when and what I eat that MAYBE I will be able to fit them again? Thoughts on this? I freaking hate buying bigger clothes. Even if I am bootylicious. Haha.
What are your February Goals?