healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Hurtful Assumptions

I wanted to do a follow up to my Religion Post and kind of explain where that came from and what I am feeling.

I in no way intend to offend anyone, put down anyone's beliefs, or be hurtful or derogatory in anyway, so if you feel this from my words, I am sorry.

Facebook. I just hate it. Too many people posting too much stuff about their life, all. the. time. You get sucked in. You feel like you need to keep up with everyone, with people who wouldn't give two shits about you otherwise.

I deleted my Facebook account a year an a half ago as a message to my younger sister who was using it inappropriately to show that no, you didn't need facebook to live.

It was pretty liberating and I didn't miss it at all. People kind of gawked when they found out I didn't have it, and I was okay with being a part of the minority. I learned pretty quick which friends wanted to keep in touch with me and which ones didn't want to put in the effort.

So with this whole Epicure thing I thought it would be smart to open up my FB account again and see if I could network with some more people and maybe get some people interested in hosting a party.

I think my Facebook account had been open for maybe a week? And then I got a message from a previous co-worker.

The message was about God. She wrote how she had been praying for me, that she wasn't sure how much real love I had felt, or if I had ever felt secure, that she prayed for me for my husbands sake (this upset me), and she hoped I could find love in God. God would be the one to fix me and my problems, and nothing else. (This is just a summary of the message)

The message was REALLY long. About a 10-minute read.

I don't even remember the things that I shared with this woman regarding my childhood, my relationship with my biological parents, or what kind of picture I painted for her, but she seemed to have assumed it was pretty awful and that I was lacking in some way?

I am not going to lie. I was totally taken a back by it. I had no idea where it was coming from. This woman was someone who I considered a "friend", someone who I could potentially hang out with outside of work. She is still in her 20's and has young kids, I thought she was pretty relate-able. I had no idea what her beliefs about God were, or that this was how she thought of me.

I carefully composed a response, I wrote that I appreciated her thoughts (I was careful to not use the term prayer), and that I respected how her faith and religion were very important to her values and beliefs. I also expressed that my thoughts about faith were different, but that I believed in being a good person, yada yada yada, just like I wrote in my religion post. I wished her a happy summer. It was short and to the point.

The response I received is what is spurring this post. I found this sentence particularly hurtful:

"There are plenty of nice people in Hell. Just remember, being a good person and being just doesn't save your soul. Only God can do that."

This gets a big'ol W.T.F?

This woman has no idea the unconditional love my step father has given me. For as long as I can remember. He is so supportive. He is so wise. He is the 2nd greatest man and person in my life. She has no idea that his support is what helped me when I was feeling lost or uncertain. He raised me as his own even though he didn't have any obligation to.

This woman has no idea the type of relationship I share with my husband. To pray for me for his sake? What is that supposed to mean? It sounds like she is assuming we are set up to fail because of my "lack of love." Matthias is 100% my perfect counterpart. He inspires me every day to push farther, that I have no limits, and that I can be a better person and a positive change in this world. He is someone who I can share all of my thoughts with and he has been there and seen the type of unhealthy relationship I shared with myself and with my biological parents. He was supportive when I saw a therapist. He read the book "The Five Languages of Love" with me and actually attempts to put in to action things that he read. He listens to me when I talk, all the time. He makes me smile first thing in the morning and wishes me a good sleep every night when he is out of town. We laugh constantly together and I think we communicate very well together. He is the greatest man and person in my life.

This woman doesn't know the close friendships I have with people like Katelyn and Stephanie and Dallas. She doesn't know the love I feel in my heart for these special women, women I hope to have in my life forever.

This woman doesn't know the triumph I feel. For overcoming some difficult road blocks while growing up, for graduating university at 21 years old, buying a house at 22, having a job that I love, and being a part of the Executives for the Union and for the Professional Associate for Nurses in Alberta. I am going places with my life and career. I am about as far from being a failure as you can get, and I am extremely proud of that and my accomplishments.

And lastly, this woman doesn't know the amount of hours I have put in, to self reflection, to counseling, to meditation, to journalling, to figuring out how to feel whole, healthy and happy. Which is something I am very happy and confident about feeling today.

This woman has no right to assume I am less than happy, less than excited for whats to come, less than pleased with my life and the things that I have been through. The fact that she assumed I feel some kind of void or that I don't feel secure or real love is extremely hurtful.

To assume that this "void" means I am going to Hell? Well I am shocked that someone would even think that. That is a pretty shitty thought to have and I feel sorry for her.

We don't get to pick where we came from. But I have chosen to learn from it, to figure my heart, my faith, and my life out, and to move on. I know the direction I am headed.

The conclusion of this whole thing? It was a good reminder that I need to be aware of my assumptions with others. Because I am sure this woman didn't mean to hurt my feelings by them. And if she did? Then that's on her. But I need to be careful to not hurt others with my assumptions, and that is what I will learn from this.

Have you ever felt hurt by another person's assumptions? How did you handle it?