I guess I have been sick of the numbers game for some time now.
I love living a healthy lifestyle. I love eating good, nutrient rich, vegetarian food. I love fresh fruits and vegetables, quinoa, lentils, oatmeal, whole grain rice, natural peanut butter, roasted nuts, apple sauce, all of it. I feel like I generally have a grasp of what I eat, when I eat, and how much I need to eat .... most of the time. I am so not 100% perfect. But I am starting to wonder if constantly counting calories, constantly needing to know how many pounds I weigh, if it is starting to be counter productive to making healthy choices?
I have trigger foods. They seem to change depending on the types of food I am eating at the time.
- Milk Chocolate (Numero Uno Trigger, Very Dark (which I prefer taste wise) doesn't have the same effect)
- Roasted Unsalted Nuts (Particularly Cashews and Pecans, those little buggers)
- Peanut Butter (The processed kind)
- Large flake cereal that I can munch on (Hello, Vector)
I am total grazer at heart. This is my downfall. I will snack myself to sickness, if I have the proper foods at hand. Which is why I don't keep them around..... for the most part.
Everyday that I don't eat chocolate I feel easier and easier about it. I also feel lax enough to let myself have it for a day (yesterday), and today, I feel no cravings for it again.
So why is it so damn hard to just not eat them? 1 turns in to 2... into 4... into a handful..... x4. That is why the scale said 127.5 this morning. Everything else I eat is seriously good, and not too high in calories. It is the freaking nuts.
I am going to have to get over this draw to them. Matthias loves taking them in his lunches for work, and I can admit that I am sure they will become a staple food in my pantry.
But that brings me to another little "Grrrr" at the the moment. The number on the scale. WHY oh WHY does it matter if I weigh 127.5lb? Why does that number make me feel fat, uncontrollable, and like a failure?
I HAVE LOST LIKE 65lb. THAT IS SUCCESS. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?!
Rant done. It is just annoying that my brain - eye connection sees this as bad. Why is it bad? It isn't. But I still feel like it is.
Same with the calorie thing. I feel like counting them meticulously is starting to take too much time. Then I eat more. Because it stresses me out that I am not counting everything. Then I don't count what I eat.
I am starting to think that the solution to this problem is in the form of removing numbers?
I know what portion sizes look like. I know what foods are healthy and what foods are not healthy. I have a rough idea of calories in pretty much all of the regular foods I eat. I know how to eat to lose weight. I know how to eat to gain weight.
I need to learn how to eat to just be healthy. Not worry about the number of calories in a day compared to the number of calories burned in exercise. Not let that number determine if I have been "good" or "bad" that day. Just eat. When I am hungry. Good food.
I don't want to eat according to a plan, but it will look roughly like this: Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, Small Snack/Dessert.
I will roughly estimate calories, but I won't be obsessive about them. I won't eat any more nuts, because right now nuts and I can't be friends. I will eat when I am hungry, and only when I am hungry.
Here is the important part: I am going to make a concious effort to ask myself every time I eat: "Is this food god for me? Am I HUNGRY?" If yes, continue with eating. If no, stop, ask myself if this is what I truly want, and if the portion is LESS than the intended serving size. I want it to be less because of the whole 3-bite rule. 1st and 2nd bites are the best. Anything after that doesn't quite match up. Make adjustment to portion size if necessary, and continue with eating.
127.5 this morning. Sure my size 2 jeans are on the verge of too tight. I get it. Sure my inches in my hips and thighs were up this month. Yeah. That happened. Doesn't mean I am going off the deep end. Doesn't mean I am a failure. It would be totally irrational to think that once I hit a weight I loved (122.5) that I could maintain that weight, forever, with no problem. I am a food addict. HAH. I will struggle with maintenance forevs. Weekly weigh in's will remain, Monthly inches will remain.
What do you think of this plan/idea? Please be honest here. I want your true feedback!