healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Friday, December 30, 2011

2012; The Year of Transition

2012 will be a very important year for me for many reasons, and to represent this I decided that my word will be Transition.
transition |tranˈzi sh ən; -ˈsi sh ən| 
noun; the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another
2012 Transitions:
  • Vegan Diet; Not strictly vegan, but much more than I am now. I hope that with cutting out Chocolate, and my natural distaste for milk, I will just need to work on the whole love affair with Greek Yogurt.
  • Nurse; Yup, in 2012 I will become a Registered Nurse. I will have a University Degree. I am mighty terrified and I have no idea what will come of this.
  • Fiance? Matthias, if you are reading this.... *wink* I hope to transition into this role at some point during 2012... Wedding date was set originally for July 6th, 2013, perhaps we can keep this very important date as our anniversary?
  • Move Into My Own Place; AKA: Place with Matthias. Self Explanatory. Again, depends on the job situation.
  • Becoming Guardian of my Sister; Working on it.
  • Duathlete; Eeeeek.
  • More Experienced 1/2 Marathoner; Hoping to run 2 more races this year, one will be with my very important friend Danielle.
  • Not Counting Calories; I put this one last because it is my ultimate goal. To be able to reach a point where I can listen to my body and not have to count calories to maintain my healthy and happy weight. This transition would truly change my life and bring me a lot of peace.. We shall see how it goes.
I love finding out your 2012 Words! Have you picked one yet? What does it mean to you?

The Chocolate Diaries [Day 1]

0315 - I have eaten way too many chocolate and cadbury cookies. Why can’t I just stop at one? I succeed at everything but cutting back on my chocolate. This needs to stop. How did I get off of McDonalds? I quit eating meat. How am I going to get off of Chocolate? Quit eating it.

0745 - At home and cleaning out my cupboards of all the chocolate. I can’t bear to throw it all out, so I bagged it up and put it in my closet to give to my little sister in her lunches. What am I going to miss the most? Definitely the Caramel Cashew Bars from Planet Organic. They definitely need to go in the trash or I will eat em all up. Damn. I wish I hadn’t bought all of these Luna Bars and Terry’s Chocolate Orange Mini’s. Sis will get those too. I can’t bear to get rid of the Peanut Butter Fiber 1 Bars, Strawberry Fiber 1 Bars, and Chocolate PB2 (purchased online = expensive). They will remain until they are eaten and healthy chocolate-free Granola bars and Regular PB2 will be purchased from here on out.

0800 - My last bite of chocolate is a Caramel Nut Brownie Luna Bar. It is divine. My second last bite of chocolate was a quarter of a Caramel Cashew Bar. It was (and still is) heaven.

0830 - Time for sleep after a night shift.

1130 - No chocolate for me. PB Toast and a Smoothie for a pre-spin class snack.

1400 - Standing in line at Tim Hortons: I want a chocolate timbit. I want a Candy Cane Donut. I want a Toasted Coconut chocolate timbit. I want a Honey Crueller (the most unhealthy) timbit. I want a Dutchie. Yes. I thought all of these thoughts in the 2 mins I was in the line up. I leave Tim’s with a Large Coffee (1/2 Cream, 1 Milk), and a White Candy Cane Hot Chocolate for the Sis. I want to try it. I don’t.

1515 - I am typing this up. Let me clarify: I am still going to enjoy dessert, just not chocolate. No chocolate chips in cookies, no chocolate pudding, no chocolate ice cream. Other desserts (ex. Cappuccino Ice Cream or Vanilla Pudding) will be enjoyed when desired but they lack a lot of the lure that chocolate does. I am hypothesizing that my dessert intake will be reduced dramatically. I am hopeful that my taste buds will once again change and fruit will become sweet enough to tame the choco-beast within me. I am scared of the very probable withdrawal.

1800 - I bought some healthier chocolate free desserts like sugar free dulce de leche pudding, fruit cups, apple sauce and chocolate free granola bars.

2120 - I “relapsed”. I ate 2 Mini LeClerc Celebration Cookies and a 100 Calorie Purdy’s Peanut Butter Finger when putting together a dessert platter for a New Years Party tomorrow. I am not being too hard on myself. I will go to sleep and start again fresh. There will be slip ups, more as I try to get myself off of this in the first place. Once I get the healthy habit engrained the slip ups will become less and less.

I quit

Right now.
Cold turkey.
Enough is enough.
P.S. Chocolate Log to follow.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

2011 in Review

So this is the time of year when everyone does a little recap of how 2011 went, what was accomplished, what may be put off to this year, and what was learned.
 I would just like to say that 2011 was pretty awesome. It has set me up with high expectations of 2012 and as long as the end of the world doesn't come (but lets not talk about that), I can imagine 2012 will be a pretty wicked year.

Here is a quick list of my highlights and lowlights of the year:

  • Hit my goal weight..... then surpassed it.
  • Regular exercise is a part of my lifestyle.
  • I ran a 10km run, and then a half marathon, after not even being about to run 1.5km without needing a break.
  • I signed up for a Duathlon and a Second Half Marathon for 2012!
  • I met a workout buddy!
  • I fell in love with my soul mate... again. And then each time I see him, I fall in love again. How lucky am I?
  • I made it through being the president of the nursing society and learned a lot!
  • I bought a brand new car!
  • I went to Hamilton, Toronto, Winnipeg and Banff.
  • I continued with a vegetarian diet and reached my 1 year vegiversary.
  • I found Serenity.
  • At the beginning of the year I struggled with confidence and identifying my self worth.. this was expressed through poor decisions such as drinking and partying a bit to much and surrounding myself with bad people.
  • Sciatica
  • Food Addiction
  • Family issues, but I keep those private ;)
So as 2011 wraps up and I squeeze in as much rest and TLC as I can before school starts, I can confidently say that I am ready for 2012 and the challenges that I will face.

I have chosen my 2012 word! That's coming up next.

What's your word for 2012?

Monday, December 26, 2011

Old Habits Stay Hungry

Heh. Last night, after 2-3 days of an all out eat-fest (Think gallons of Eggnog Spiced Nuts and 3ish pieces of Peanut Butter Tobelerone Cheesecake) I decided to re-read my Christmas Blog Post from 2010.

I felt the exact same way last night! No joke. I seriously do not regret the nuts, cheesecake, cookies, or chocolate, they were all delicious, but I hate feeling like I am going to explode. That is never a good feeling.

I was totes rocking a 3 month preggo food belly. Yum.

There is really no point in beating myself up for it. It is one (okay, 3) days, not the end of the world, and surely not how I plan to continue eating. I did step on the scale this morning and it showed the terrifying number 127.5. Yeah. I didn't like that so much. But that is what I get for choices that I made.

What would I be if I wasn't completely honest on this blog? Denial = Fat. And I ain't about that.

Today as an effort to rid myself of some bloat I am doing a Raw Fruits and Veggies Cleanse. That is all I am going to eat today and tomorrow until I pick Matthias up. It might not be easy, but I think it will be totally worth it to have all that good stuff flowing through my veins again. Lots of water and black tea will be consumed as well! LOTS of clean eating this week, and after 2 rest days I am hitting the gym Full Force Monday-Saturday!

Hope your holidays were fabulous! Mine were nice and relaxing - a little bit of work, a lot of paper writing.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

My Back On Track Plan .... Post-Christmas

I sit here, on Christmas Eve, preparing my back on track plan, because I want to be able to fully enjoy myself tonight and the food that I am going to eat.

Christmas Eve Dinner (With the Sis and the Dad)
- Tofurky with Gravy & Stuffing
- Brussel Sprouts and Buttah
- Freshly Made Croissants
- Broccoli Slaw
- Mashed Cauliflower

And for dessert.... I am going to try and make my own Eggnog Banana Ice Cream! Blend 1 Frozen Banana with Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Brown Sugar and Rum Extract. I will update you all on how it turned out! (Update: too much cinnamon, not enough nutmeg, was a bust.)

I am celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve because I work an evening shift tomorrow. Although I imagine there will be tons of sweets there tomorrow I am going to consciously try and choose the ones that I will love, not just like. That way I will enjoy it to fullest!

Boxing day is going to be all about the raw veggies and fruits. Smoothie, Salad, Veggies, Hummus. No sweets.

Tuesday I am picking Matthias up from the Airport in Calgary and we are going to be trying out The Coup. I am really excited for it. I am going to have the Organic Rainbow Greens salad to start, and the Greek Goddess as my main. I may enjoy a coconut chai... if I am feeling like something warm. If I want something cold I may have some White or a Phillips Longboat Chocolate Porter (Beer). For dessert (because who wouldn't?!) I hope to either split the White Chocolate Cheesecake or Vegan Chocolate Torte. It will be my final indulgence of 2011.

Starting December 28th I am going to try my best to do a "No Sugar Challenge" (yes....again) for 2 weeks. 14 days seems do-able right? I also tried my best to make it Amie-friendly, meaning I am allowing myself 1 square of dark chocolate a day. Not bad right? Take a look:
I wont be adding sugar to coffee, oatmeal, greek yogurt, anything. I will use stevia in it's place, because it is all natural and doesn't affect the blood sugar. No ice cream, no cookies, no cake, no squares.... no BAKING. No chips either.. but those are savory ;)

1 Square of Extra Fine Lindor Dark Chocolate, at my choice of time during the day. Any other sweetness will come from Fruit.

Once the 2 weeks are up, I hope that the habit will be broken enough to add 1 sweet treat into my diet once per week. I think that this is an acceptable amount.

We shall see how it goes :)

Hope you all have a great Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Mindful Eating

Zen habits posted a great blog post today on Mindful Eating during the holidays and I thought I would share it with you all. Click here for the full article.

I think it is important that even if you are trying to lose weight right now, do not, and I repeat, do not, beat yourself up for enjoying yourself this holiday season. Christmas is one, maybe 2 days of less healthy choices, it is not going to define the eating habits for the rest of your life.

Yes, you should probably try and load of on the healthy stuff like salad, and when eating appy's go for the raw veggies, but you also need to live life, and sometimes that means eating a full slice of eggnog cheesecake (Holy, yum.) to yourself, or eating 5 pot of gold chocolates. Now, if you have these items on hand ALL the time, maybe don't eat that much, but if they are something special, treat them that way. Enjoy them. Savor them.

Have a happy holiday,

P.S. Half Marathon Round 2 training starts in t-8days. But who's counting?!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Tuesday, December 20, 2011


What is Success?

No Big Deal or Anything.
Okay, Okay, it is. :)

Feeling Free with Food

"You just have to trust that if you’re doing the best you can, and you’re moving your body in some way each day, and eating well, that you will find the weight that’s true to the life you want to live. That weight should include desserts when you want them, drinks when you need them, and laying on the couch all day because your DVR talks sweeter than the pavement." Source
I still think about my weight, what I eat, and the exercise I do, like, A lot. I have talked before about how scared I am to gain back the weight I have lost. I had a brief moment this summer when I felt "free" of my food constraints but when school started back up, the fear of re-gain creeped back in to my life and since then, it has become consuming once more.

I love to exercise. This is the one thing I do feel completely free about. It really isn't torture anymore. I run when I feel like it. I love taking cardio and weight classes. I am slowly *slowly* starting to lift more weights. I miss walking like I did in the summer and I look forward to the warm-ish winter days when I can get out and take my 2 best canine-friends for a stroll, but I acknowledge that is part of where I live. One day, when I have $$$ I will buy a treadmill simply because I love moving my body, but don't necessarily want to sweat it out day after day. I love taking yoga classes, teaching dance, and trying out a killer Jillian Micheal's DVD. I do it because it is fun, and because I feel strong and centered after I am done. It is "me" time. And I deserve that. I have no fears about falling off the exercise band-wagon. It is something I know I will and want to commit to for the rest of my life.

Eating hasn't come so easily. When my sciatica was at its worst in June-July and I stopped running, I cried many-a-time, worrying that I would gain back what I had worked so so so hard to achieve.

But I didn't.

I lost 8 more pounds.

How did that happen?

Well I suppose I started to trust myself a teeny-tiny bit more. I believed that if I continued to eat whole foods and put food in my body that I knew to be good for me, that I would be okay for the time being and that when I could start exercising more heavily again I would lose the weight I had gained. This quasi-free mind-set let me say 'yes' and 'no' to foods without over thinking it too much, let me eat ice cream when I wanted, let me drink a beer or 4 when I felt like being cray-cray, and let me enjoy my summer.

I gained a bit of weight on my birthday. I gained a bit of weight when I went to Banff. I lost what I gained both times. Not by dieting, but by returning to healthy habits.

I miss that feeling.

I can openly say that I am less active now than when I was training for my first half marathon. It's the walking that is gone. It might have only been 50min a day, which doesn't make too much of a difference, but it was 50min of reflection, thinking, and enjoying the sun. It was 50min of freedom and happiness.

When school started and the weather turned chilly-ish, I stayed inside and took up baking. I wasn't as neurotic about baking as I had been in the past. I didn't eat an entire pan. I didn't throw out because I thought it would be too much temptation (not every time at least). But I did sample. I did eat. Yes, I did over-eat.

That's okay though, and like I have said before sometimes you need a bit of a slip up to realize that you miss your more healthy ways. Do I need to bake something every day? Absolutely Not. Was I? Unfortunately Yes.

I am making a conscious decision as I type this to give myself permission to bake when I want to, what I want to, but not for the comfort of being busy and doing something, but for a purpose instead. Christmas Party? Sure. Tutorial Potluck? Alrighty. Cookies Just Because I am Bored? Umm.. Maybe not (all the time!).

So now that the baking bit is sorted out I need to really work on the eating what I want, when I want, but not in excess.

What do I want to eat? Healthy stuff of course!! I obviously feel better, less consumed, and more reflective on life when I am fueling with the good stuff.

I worry about excessive eating. I don't really know if this will go away? This is what got me fat in the first place and the only thing I can do to change that is be mindful and slow when I am eating.

I am going to try at least, to be a bit more easy on myself. I am still going to track food, because I am not really ready to stop that. But I am going to up my calories once more and see how that goes. Does that mean I am going to make sure I eat them all every day? No. I am really going to tune in to my body and listen for my hunger signals. I know that my hunger starts really slow. It is hard to describe the feeling but I suppose all I really notice is that I start to think about food more. I don't feel it in my stomach until it is too late and I am famished. Now that I know this I can listen to my thoughts a bit more closely.

I am still going to step on the scale every Sunday, regardless of how my week has been. Regular weighing is associated with weight loss maintenance. What point is there of turning away from the scale? None. That is avoidance and that will get me fat.

I will enjoy life, food, and everything it has to offer. I will try and find my free.

Right now, if that means gaining a few pounds, gaining a size, and needing to buy new jeans, fine. It takes too much energy to obsess about staying the size I am. I want to re-focus on eating healthy for being healthy, not for being a size 2. A size 4 is perfect as well, and I am silly for thinking otherwise.

To the people who have emailed me recently - I PROMISE I will write back within the week!

Have a happy, healthy, free Holiday. I will be working, so I get to spend my Christmas with all of the new families :) Happy times.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Gain & Inches Update

Weight: 124lb

Waist: 27in (+0.5)
Hips: 36in (+0.5)
Chest: 35.5in (+0.5)
Thigh: 22in (+1.0)
Arm: 11in

Well as you can see I have gained a bit of weight. 2.5lb from my "favorite weight" to be exact. Now, I realize 124lb is not a bad number at all, and in fact, many people would want to be able to maintain that weight, as it is just a number. But I am a student, and I can't afford to gain any more weight because I have Size 2 pants that need to be worn.

My downfall has definitely been with the baking and the sweets and that is stopping right now. I will be cutting back my sugar in take because it has gotten slightly out of control and I don't like that.

This isn't the end of the world by any means, I just need to hold myself accountable for my actions so that I can get back to the weight that I want to be at. I will be weighing every Sunday and working my butt off to get there.

How do you all avoid holiday gain? Or is it something you have just come to expect?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Mish Mash

Today is a great day for a post. I am getting a cold. I slept in late. Almost missed my Chiropractor Appointment. Oh, and my thighs and quads are still killing me from the bazillions of squats I did on Sunday's Super Circuit Class.

Perfectly good day :)

I have never been a big Eggnog fan. Working at Starbucks for 4 years and making hundreds of Eggnog latte's during Christmas Season, I have tried my fair share of the 'nog. Always thinking "This year it will be better," to no avail. Last week, on my last day of clinical, my field guide took me out for drinks. I overheard a waitress talking about their Eggnog drink special, and alas, my curiosity was sparked. I ordered one, but to lighten it up I ordered half milk. Here's the mix: 1/2 Eggnog, 1/2 Milk, 1/2 ounce Butter Ripple Schnapps, 1/2 ounce Baileys. ..................... Heaven in an alcoholic drink.

I downed two of those babies and was instantly hooked. Nog > Almond Milk. In every way possible. Including Calories lol.

Last night my 'nog craving needed to be satisfied. I needed to feed the beast. I went to Safeway and picked up some Light Eggnog. It took all my power not to drink it straight from the carton on the way home! I enjoyed a half cup last night, and poured some over some chocolate pudding for dessert (weird, but tasty), and this morning I added some to my Soy Coffee Misto. Tomorrow I am going to make Nog Oats for breakfast, and possibly splurge and get an Eggnog Smoothie from Booster Juice. I can only imagine how high in calories it is... so I am thinking a small size made with half 'nog half soy would be delicious and a little more waist line conscious? 

This post was originally titled "Living in Maintenance" but it has quickly turned to a mash up of everything. So lets continue with that.

I am looking forward to January 1st. I am going to start officially running again and training for the Woody's Half Marathon!! Running and I kind of broke up after the Dino Half... I just needed to do other things. I think I have run 6 times since September? Still been plenty active, just less running. But I am itching to hit the pavement treadmill (I am a baby who has declared I don't enjoy running in the elements), and start logging the miles.

I have really been reflecting on my 2011 Goals, specifically my 2011 word, Serenity.
"Happiness, Health, Confidence, Acceptance

This is what I want to focus on this year. I want to be happy, with myself, my relationships, my commitments, my life. I want to be healthy, to find that "Aha!" weight where I feel it all come together, where I don't constantly look in the mirror wondering if I look fat. I want to be confident, in my body, mind and soul, to take pride in my accomplishments and own them. And the most important one (in my opinion), I want to find acceptance of myself and my life, what it was, is, and what it will become."
Wow. Reading that makes it all click. I have searched for that for so long, and mid-June I found it. I don't remember the exact day. But I do remember thoughts like "I don't want to lose any more weight" and "If I could stay this size and shape forever I would be happy" (HAH! I know that isn't realistic, but it is pretty encompassing of accepting myself).

I totally own all of my accomplishments. I am so proud of everything I have done and all of the hard work that I put in to myself. It was a huge fucking struggle, not going to lie, but it has been worth every bead of sweet, every tear, every crazy-OCD thought.

Has my weight fluctuated? Yes. As I have posted before, lowest was 121.5, currently sitting at 123.5. Do my clothes still fit? Yes. Do I still maintain a decent activity level? Yes. Is the winter and cold weather harder to make this possible? Yes.

I was talking to Matthias last night about how in the summer I loved eating a big plate of raw veggies and hummus or a giant chilled salad, because the weather was warm and you could do that sort of thing. Now that I am not obsessing so much about my food choices I find that I am currently gravitating to warm comfort foods like chili, soup, anything to warm ma' belly. I think this is the way it goes though? I am still currently in a huge learning phase because this is the first winter-christmas-holiday season where I am at a goal weight hoping to maintain. It isn't about losing. It is about staying the same.

Reflecting on the previous months ... Summer was a piece of cake. Outside to work out, Walk the dogs for an hour a day. Of course I got down to 121.5! I was so flippin' active. Now, although I still work out 6 days a week, I am missing the hour long walks because of the cool weather. What I'd really love is a treadmill. I could walk and read, walk and watch tv, walk and cruise the net, you get the jist. Maybe that is what I will save for once I am a real nurse? :)

I am starting to plan my 2012 word... it needs to have something to do with Consistency, Happiness, Growth, Growing-Up (Hello Graduation and Real World Employment), and Love. Any ideas?

How have your resolutions been coming along? Yes, it is December, but you can make small steps towards them every day and accomplish something great in the next 25 days!
Are you starting to think about your 2012 resolutions?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Update ?

Oh Hey.

I haven't dropped off the face of the planet.


Quick Update:
  • Things are working out with Matthias ... he ended things with the girl who has a baby, and we have been talking every day and reacquainting ourselves. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful man love me unconditionally. It truly amazes me that he still feels that way about me even after a year and a half of being apart. We had our first re-kiss on Monday, and it was amazing. It was the best first kiss I have ever had. I can't even explain it. It was that good. Woah.
  • Clinical is OVAH. One more presentation and then a month of almost-freedom. I have a long to-do list over Christmas which includes studying for a pharmacology test, writing a paper, orientating myself to Edmonton, putting together a portfolio of sorts, Christmas Baking (!), and of course, working out. I am also taking a few days with Matthias to vacay to Banff and Lake Louise. I have never been to LL, so I am excited to experience its beauty.
  • Eating and weight are consistent. No loss, No gain. I am maintaining between 122.5-124, which is just fine by me.
I will write a "good" post sometime after my presentation next week! Hope you are all well.