healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday WI & Gym

This week was my Pre-TOM week. They are often much much worse than the actual TOM. I get ravenous chocolate cravings, and debilitating back pain, so needless to say, this week hasn't been the best. I switched to MFP on Wednesday, and I am really loving it so far. I enjoy being able to track wherever I am on my phone, and being able to use their online community and tools for free! I am still cross tracking with WW until my subscription is done. Today I will have eaten 1300ish calories, which works out to being 33WW p+. Which is pretty accurate I would say.

Anyways, I didn't do as well during the beginning of the week, but after I signed up my MFP I started cracking down a bit more, and it has been better. I thought maybe I would see a gain this week, but when I stepped on my Digital Scale it said 137.5! Which is down .5, and I will gladly take that. My Manual scale said 133.5 which is consistent with the 4lb difference.

I ran 4 miles today in 48 minutes! I am so happy with that time because A. I have never ran that far in my life and B. I ran the entire thing! YAY! I really love running. You get in to a groove and just go. I hope the Alberta weather will start being a little kinder to me so that I can start running outside with my Tuck.

School has been crazy busy, and I am literally counting down the days until I am done. Not because I am not having a good time (I am loving clinical!) but because I am looking forward to getting back to my regular sleeping and eating habits.

I am hoping the back pain will subside soon, it hurts to sit and to lay in bed, but its okay for me to stand, walk, and run on the treadmill. Bending down is absolutely killer. I almost started crying yesterday when I taught dance I was in so much pain. Any tips on how to handle pre-menstrual back pain?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Trying Something New!

Being poor is not fun. It is a very scary thing to wonder how I am going to get my next 25$ so that I can have enough gas to get to and from clinical every day. That being said, it is also very scary (sometimes scarier I think) to wonder when I am going to have enough money to buy fresh groceries. I love eating healthy, I love fresh vegetables, I love fresh fruit! How on earth can I afford Fresh groceries when I have no monthly income, as well as pay for gas, insurance, a gym membership and a cell phone bill, and now (because my 3 months on Weight Watchers is coming to an end) another WW subscription?

It is literally impossible.

So I am switching it up. I love Weight Watchers, but a lot of what I love is found on the message boards - the supportive, friendly gals of the 20's board. I can get that for free.

Sure I love tracking, and it helps to keep me accountable, but sometimes Points Plus isn't all that great for my lifestyle - being that I must eat a little more carbs and a little less fresh. Also, I dislike the fact that I need to count my "free" fruit if I am wanting to lose weight. I don't think that is fair and I don't think it is appropriate that I modify a plan I pay for just so it will meet my needs. It should work regardless of modifications, because it is scientifically based, no?

Throughout this journey I have been on and off weight watchers. Occasionally tracking (and seeing losses, pre-P+) and occasionally not tracking (and maintaining, or seeing small gains). One thing I have done fairly consistently is blog, and I account that to most of my success. I feel like my writing has inspired others, and that is what keeps me coming back.

So today, after a solid nights sleep, I am deciding to cancel my Online WW Tools, because I can do my tracking elsewhere. I found this great little gem of a website -Here-, which has a HUGE food database, as well as tracking and exercise tools. Did I mention that its free? Oh, and that it has a KILLER Blackberry App (also free), where I can track all my food and exercise right from my phone and it will update to the internet and vice versa? Yeah, thats pretty sweet. I couldn't do that with WW.

Also, during previous posts I have commented on the difference between the 2 scales in my house - my manual one is consistently 4lb lighter than my digital.

I hopped on the scales this morning and in true fashion, my manual said 134, and my digital said 138. I have decided to switch (officially) to my Digital scale as I truly believe it is more consistent with what I eat in a day (when I do my daily weights).

I also moved the scales to the downstairs bathrooms so that:
  1. They no longer tempt me day in and day out.
  2. They remain on the same level space of floor at all times, for consistency purposes.
I think this will help remind me that the scales are JUST a number, and I don't need to step on them every day to make sure I haven't gained back all 53lb in one night.

So now that I am switching scales for cereal, I want to be accountable to my current weight of 138, therefore I am once more in weight loss mode (My goal range is 127-132, so I will try my darndest to get to 127).

Time is not an issue here, I am a slow loser, I am okay with that. As long as I am consistently making healthy choices then I am happy.

I have been tracking on both WW and MFP this week to see the consistency, and so far, I am liking what I see. They are both very similar and I like that I can see all my nutritional information for the foods I love (Cals, Fats, Carbs, Fiber, Iron, ext..), not just Point Values.

So there ya go folks! I will remain loyal to my 20's board, because I love the support, but I am going to try My Fitness Pal for tracking!

Wish me luck. :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Thank You Weight-Loss Gods

Despite my lack of self control this past week, my tracking, exercise, and water all paid off on the scale. I am down 1lb to 134lb's.

Thank you Weight-Loss Gods!

Now, I know that I need to re-new my sense of commitment, continue to track what I eat, and continue my training for my 10k if I am going to maintain or continue to lose weight. This surprise loss was just what I needed. I must not take advantage of it, because eating like the way I ate last week, in future weeks, will absolutely cause a gain, and I am well aware of that.

Today I hit the gym up early and did my long run - 3.5 miles - in 41 minutes. Not bad, not bad at all! The pace I was at was decent, I felt like I could have probably kept running for about another mile, which means I am on the right path! This week I have two 3 miles runs and next Sunday I go for the big 4! I can do this :)

School is crazy hectic, but I am really enjoying it. I was offered a scholarship to attend the national Canadian Federation of Nursing Unions conference, all I have to pay for is food! So I am super stoked about that. Being the president has paid off after all!

This weeks goals:
  1. At least 2L of Water a day.
  2. Get all my scheduled training in.
  3. Track what I eat, and Eat what I track.
  4. Stop, breathe, and savor every bite.
  5. Eat with no distractions (ie. TV, Laptop, Homework, Car, ext...)
Have a great week everyone! I look forward to a Fully OP Week!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Just been 'Off' Lately...

To me, weight loss is a process where you have some weeks that are really freaking great, and other weeks where you want to eat everything in sight. It is like an ebb and flow, a wave of good, followed by a slump of not so good. Throughout this journey I have had weeks where I have had profound losses, followed by weeks (ahem, months) where my losses are little and I stray from the track a little bit. What has kept me coming back? What has been different this time that has made me reign in my focus to achieve my goals? More importantly, now that I am "Here" why am I suddenly in a weight loss/maintenance slump where I am hungry, experiencing cravings, and feel somewhat out of control?

I am far from perfect.
I still have A LOT to learn.

Right now, during clinical, I am waking up at 5am, but still going to bed at my usual 11pm-12am. I just can't fall asleep before then. It is hard for my body to wind down any time before that. Where does that leave me? Being up 4 hours longer each day, 4 hours where I need to fuel my very active body because I am literally running off my feet ALL day. With time to sit only to chart for 5-10 minutes here and there, and a measly half hour break to scarf down the healthy lunch I have packed and tracked, followed by an hour post conference, and a trip to the gym to get my training in, I am totally beat, and ready to stray. Ready to eat anything in front of me.

Yea, I know that I am exhausted, and I know that is why I am in this semi-frenzy of eating, but my body and brain get so tired that I can't stop, because I feel like I won't be able to make it through the day.

Here are this weeks slip ups: (I want to expose them all, they have all be tracked, but I need a list here so that when I go back and re-read this in the future I will be able to identify my one true trigger food...... the devil that is chocolate)

1. I said I was going to give up Chocolate for Lent. That didn't even last a day. Chocolate is the one "comfort" food remaining in my life, and when in moderation, which I can have most days, I feel like I deserve it. I can't go without it. Plain and simple. It would turn this lifestyle into a diet, and I am so not about that.

2. Tuesday I ate a piece of store-bought chocolate cake because they were giving it out at the hospital. Was it good? Meh, it was decent.. Not really worth the 8 points I tracked for it. I did however (NSV) do an extra 40 minutes of cardio at the gym to try and make up for it, which felt good.

3. Thursday I ate an individual sized Kit-Kat, Pizza crust (just the crust, the pizza part had meat on it), and an extra square of chocolate with dinner.

4. Friday, today was my biggest downfall. I think it because I am the most tired today of all the days this week? Monday and Wednesday, when I wasn't at the hospital, were my best days, probably because I got to sleep in to my regular time (between 8 and 9am). Today I ate 5 Pot of Gold Chocolates (tracked at 2p+ each), and a homemade nanimo square (best nanimo bar I have ever had might I say, tracked at 7p+). By the end of today I will have had a 50 point plus day. But because the points were used on silly sugar instead of filling protein or fiber I am still left feeling hungry.

5. Saturday - My dad's birthday dinner at the Keg. I am going to order a House Salad, Dressing on the Side (3p+), but I am also going to order Sweet Potato Fries because they are my favorite and I rarely eat out (15p+).

So where I have "Gone Right"?

1. Water - I am getting in at least 2L a day.
2. Activity - I have earned 30AP's this week, including strength training, 6.5 miles run and an hour and a half of random cardio.
3. Tracking - Regardless of the eating, it has all been tracked, even my entire Saturday, leaving me with a total of 4 WP's left, and all my AP's.

What have I learned? Tiredness does not do the body well. (See Picture - My Kitty Olivia is just as tired as I am) I miss my sleep. I look forward to the next month flying by so that I can be done school and resume my normal sleeping patterns.

What have I unfortunately accepted? This week, I may have a gain. But that happens. Will I regain all 52lb lost? No. Maybe 1 or 2, hell I might even see a 3lb gain, but I can lose that again, with a little extra effort. I have preached on the boards: Consistency and Commitment, and although this week my eating hasn't been consistent, my commitment to tracking it has been. I will get through this, just as I have all the other times, and I will take what I learn and be a better and healthier person from it.

Can't have success without setbacks. I just hope this slump isn't too long. I will let you know the results of my weigh in on Sunday. Hope you all are having a better week than I am! :)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Maintenance Week ONE

Today was my first weigh in post-goal. What a weird feeling. It is almost like I know the number will stay the same because I tracked everything I ate, but that its Okay for it to not be moving down?

I know that I want to get to 130. In fact, I want to get to 127 just so I can say I have lost an even 60lb. But right now I am so content with just being healthy and happy where I am that it doesn't matter if it takes me a year to get there, because I know eventually I will.

This past week was... insane, hectic, jam-packed, somewhat scattered, and I am glad it is over. Clinical started out with a rush, like I knew it would, but I still managed to track everything that passed through my lovely lips. That being said, some of the choices I made were not the best, and I will be the first to admit it. I ate THREE Starbucks Petites in one sitting. Gross. I also ate a Coffee Crisp this week, although it was spread out (1 bite a day for 3 days, the other half today). All these chocolate-y treats were just Meh. They were good, but they weren't great.

Chocolate is the one food that it seems I "can't live without". I like to have a square of dark chocolate every night after my supper. Now as some of you may know from the boards, I decided to give up Chips for Lent. I am not religious by any means, and I have absolutely no idea what the concept or meaning of Lent is, I just know you give stuff up for it. So far not eating chips has been easy, because I hardly eat them anyways. I want to step it up a bit, so as of RIGHT MEOW I am giving up Chocolate until Lent is over. No Dark Chocolate, No Pudding, No Vita Tops, No Nutella, No Fiber 1 Granola Bars, No Hot Chocolate, No Mocha's, No Mini Eggs, NOTHING.

Things might get ugly.

I am willing to take it on though, we will see how long I can go! When does Lent even end? (I am going to begin planning my celebratory treat now... I am thinking a Scoop of Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice cream and a Scoop of Tri Chocolate Delight Ice cream, Sans cone, from the Big Moo...... Yup. If I can make it till the end of Lent without eating Any chocolate that is what I can have. *drool*)

10K training went according to plan this week. Today is my "long run" so I will be attempting 3 miles. Never done it before, But I think it is do-able. I am hoping this week will seem less hectic as I settle in to the routine of Clinical. We are on days this week so I will be getting up at 5am, but I will be done by 3:30pm, which is more reasonable than a 2:30-11pm day, when trying to manage patient research, nursing society, eating healthy, selling shirts, responding to never ending emails and training for a 10k.

Goals this week: Track, H20, Train, No Chocolate, Be POSITIVE AND OPTIMISTIC.
I am happy, I am healthy, I am right where I need to be.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Update

I just ate All Three of those Starbucks Petite's.
Yup. All 3. In one sitting.
Bloated, Full beyond belief, and only mildly satisfied.
I kinda sorta knew I would eat them all at once. Just so I could "get it out of my system". Now I know, 100%, that I don't want to buy them again, and eating them just this once will be enough to say No Thanks next time.
Do I classify this as a binge? Meh. No. Because they have all been tracked and I have the weeklies for them. I also am comforted in the fact that I have till Sunday to work my butt off at the gym to make up for the 15p+ that they were.
No Biggie. Life Goes on.

Tiramisu Cake Pop Really thick outter coating that kind of reminded me of coffee flavored yogurt. Big enough in size to definitely only need one. Inside cake was super moist, almost like it wasn't fully cooked. This one gets a solid 4/10.

Rocky Road Cake Pop Very sweet, it hurt my teeth. I could tell it had been defrosted from the freezer. Outside coating was good, but the nuts and marshmallows kept falling off. 5/10.

Peanut Butter Cupcake Awesome size for less than 200 calories. Yummy little peanut butter cup on the top which I saved for last. Cupcake itself was good - couldn't tell it was defrosted. Icing was peanut butter flavored, but it was REALLY artificial tasting. There was also too much of it. It was WAY too sweet. 5.5/10.

So bloated. Bah Humbug!

Identifying "True" Hunger

Identifying true hunger is something I still struggle heavily with. I think it may be due to the fact that I have been conditioning my body over the last year to just accept the hunger as part of a self-sacrifice to reach my goal weight. But now that I am here, how do I acknowledge it as being an important trigger of when I am actually hungry, and when I am actually bored or stressed or even just thirsty?

I am still on the weight loss train for right now, but it has taken more of a back burner position in my life. Right now I want to be happy, healthy and fit, so training for my 10k is what is most important to me health-wise.

I feel like I know my body, and I trust it to tell me when I am hungry, but what happens when I need to conform my eating schedule to that of a clinical shift (whether it be days with a 5am wake up, or evenings with a later than normal supper)? How can I rationalize with myself that eating when I do not truly feel hungry is important to curb the hunger that might come when I am too busy to eat?

Right now I am focused on tracking my food, and not eating anything outside my allotted points because it is hard for me to be able to identify the feelings of hunger and satisfaction when there is so much else going on in my life.

This could be a very dangerous place for those who are not accustomed to tracking everything and I am thankful that I am too poor to eat out and must plan my meals the night before. I am also thankful that I was so diligent in my last 2 months with staying on plan as I think they have provided me with the ability to rationalize the importance of tracking and not just throwing in the towel and saying I am too busy.

It was the same last week. I felt way to busy, not hungry enough, and I was scared I would gain. I lost my last 2lb. Is this due to my 3 days of activity, water, and following my meal plans and GHG's? Probably.

I hope that I can at least maintain this week. With 6 days of exercise, lots of water, and tracking, I am fairly sure this can be accomplished, but I still worry about the number on the scale. I don't want to fail. I don't want to lose this new way of living. I am so happy with my lifestyle that I don't want to make a mistake and lose all the progress I have made.

On to other news... Starbucks introduced these delicious little treats this week and I plan on trying the following:


These delicious treats all work out to be 5p+ each, and I plan on making room for them in my meal plans so that I can try them each, just once.
Tiramisu Cake Pop, Rocky Road Cake Pop, and Peanut Butter Cupcake.
MMMMmmmmmmmmm.
I suppose I should post a little food review of each when I have tried them. I will keep you all updated. They have other flavors as well, but these are the ones that caught my eye. For full NI of all flavors check Starbucks.com

Any suggestions for recognizing your hunger? Do you think it is ok to eat when you are not fully hungry, but have the time to, to avoid a hunger pitfall and starvation when you might be too busy to eat?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Today, I made my impossible, Possible.

I remember thinking this was an impossibility. That weighing 135lb just simply could not be done by me. My body was too big for that weight, I could never get there. It was so far off my radar that I was scared to let myself think I could do it, because I did not want to fail.

I have failed plenty of times in the past. Maybe that is why it seemed so impossible? Being on and off Weight Watchers for 4 years, with only mild success each time, before my motivation would run out and my weight would climb back up to the 180's, made me think that weight loss was the one thing I couldn't do.

I like to think that I am a very motivated, go-get-what-I-want kind of girl. But when it came to losing weight, I was scared, because it was really out of my comfort zone, because I didn't know who I would be, what I would look like, what emotions I would feel, if I didn't have food to fall back on.

I remember feeling so fed up with the way I looked that I just couldn't look at the mirror anymore.

Who is this girl staring back at me?
She feels ugly, fat, unwanted, unnoticed, unspecial.

So I made a commitment. The difference this time? I started this Blog. I had never written any sort of diary when I was younger, I never had a journal or wrote anything besides school assignments and notes to my friends. I had no idea what I was doing, but I had read Amanda's Blog Busting Through It, and she inspired me to start my own. Amanda - Thank You. I probably couldn't have accomplished this if I hadn't stumbled upon your blog.

With no self confidence, and no belief in myself that I could do this, Matthias told me that I could do anything I put my mind to. He knew my perfection-ist ways, and he believed in me. Matthias - Thank you so much. You were there to tell me I could, even when I didn't think it myself.

Whenever I felt down about my slow moving progress, Katelyn was there to offer her support and tell me that I could do it. That I didn't need the hot dog at the hockey game that I so craved. She never stopped believing that I could make it here. She was the one who pushed me to change my goal weight to 135. Thank you so much Dragon. Your support is so appreciated.

Today, after one week of not stepping on the scale (I wanted it to be a surprise), I reached my goal weight.


I can't stop crying. I am so incredibly happy, in awe, amazed, proud.... it feels like a dream. It feels like I need to pinch myself and wake up. But this is my new reality. This is the product of my hard work. All of the struggles, all of the triumphs, have led me to here.

This is the start of a new life. Or I guess, it is the continuation of the new life I started for myself a year ago? Making this a new and exciting chapter. One that still needs work... I still have to work on my confidence issues, my body issues, my over all self-esteem. But I know that I have created a foundation for myself that will offer continued success. I know how to fuel my body without obsessing over food. I know how to indulge and enjoy life without binging and throwing in the towel.

For anyone out there who is reading this and struggling with weight loss, if you have no idea how to do it yourself, join a plan (like Weight Watchers), they will teach you how to do it. Commit yourself fully. Consistently chose to be healthy. You will fall in love with it. I did it. You can absolutely do it to.

Friday, March 4, 2011

A-Z

Gonna do the A-Z, cause you know.. its way more important than homework.

Age: 20

Bed size: Queen, had to buy a new bed when I moved home, its wonderful.

Chore you dislike: Hand Washing Dishes.

Dogs: I love my Tucker!



Essential start to your day: Breakfast!!!! Cereal, Eggo's, Egg's & Toast, Oatmeal.. Mmmmm.

Favourite colour: Green.

Gold or silver: I am a classic Yellow Gold person.

Height: 5'4 and a half.

Instruments played: None. I am a dancer. My instrument is my body! Haha that sounded dirty.

Job title: Nursing Student, President of the Nursing Society, Dancer Teacher, Soon-to-be Undergraduate Nurse

Kids: NONE. NEVER.

Live: With my pop's. He is the best.

Mom's name: Sarah, but it used to be Susanne. She changed it.

Nicknames: A, Aimes, Aimski, Aimshki

Overnight hospital stays: Never had one, unless a night shift counts?

Pet peeves: People who lack commitment. It is so incredibly annoying to constantly have to pick up the slack of those around me.

Quote from a movie: "Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather, it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan." - Serendipity

Righty or lefty: Righty.

Siblings: One half sister, 1 step brother, 2 step sisters. Its a long complicated story.

Time you wake up: Clinical days: 5am :( Regular School days: 6:30am :( Weekends: Between 8 and 10am :)

Underwear: Lasenza <3 Vegetables you don't like: I am partial to Mushrooms, but love everything else. What makes you run late: Nothing. I am pretty much always early. X-rays you've had: None. I had an ultrasound done on my neck though because I have a hard lymph node and thought I had cancer and was going to die. It was not a good time. Yummy food you make: Not going to lie... I am not the best cook. Zoo animal favourites: Giraffes, straight up.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Very First Race!

I signed up to run a 10K race today! The race isn't until May 22, but I plan to start "training" for it on Monday! Like my poor eating habits before, I needed an excuse to be able to say "no" hence becoming a vegetarian.

Like my semi-poor exercise and fitness habits now, I think this will be the much needed excuse I will need to be able to say "YES!". I am really excited to start training because I have absolutely no experience with running besides the occasional jog at the dog park and the occasional jog at the gym on a treadmill. My current goals are just to build up enough endurance to be able to do it, and to finish!


Above is my training schedule, which I found HERE. It is pretty intense, but I think it is completely manageable and do-able with my current schedule.

I have decided to add a protein supplement to my diet as the training will be a lot more than my body is used to and I want to be able to do this the right way, and not get injured. Tomorrow the ex and I are going Protein Powder shopping because he is an "ex"pert (No pun intended... HarHar). I calculated the P+ values of the low-cal supplement he uses and it is 3P+, mix that with 1 Cup Skim, for a very filling 5P+ serving of 27g of protein. I think that I will be able to alter my current meal schedule to fit this in, plus with the amount of AP's I will be getting I will need the extra boost to my diet.

I will keep you all updated on my training progress!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Body Image - Growing and Evolving

I think I will put off the very necessary homework I have to prepare myself for this coming cardiac clinical to blog instead. Whats another 15 minutes? :P NOTHIN!

This may get a little philosophically out of hand... I hope you all can follow this train of thought. Good luck!

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

I find that the closer I come to my goal weight the more I start to realize that I don't look the same way that I did before. Duh, right? Not so much. I have found in the past few days that I am wondering more and more how other people perceive the "outer" me. I used to be the "Cute-Chubby-Girl" to everyone I knew. Has this image of me changed? What do they see when they look at me now? I know, I know, it shouldn't matter what they think, but societal norms, and extrinsic opinion of our body image, shape our internal view point of how we perceive ourselves and how we believe other people perceive us as well.

It shouldn't matter how we look on the outside, but often this is what we are judged on first. I have spent a life-time being judged as the bigger girl. Now that I am not bigger, 1 year hasn't made my brain stop thinking like it has for the previous 19 years. Just as my eating habits needed re-programming, my eyes and their attachment to my occipital lobe need re-programming so that I can start to see myself the way that I hope others see me as well. Hows that for some nursing anatomy for ya?!

Let me break it down for you. This is how I see myself.

When I look in the mirror, I need to mentally remind myself that I am physically not the same person I was before. Every time I see my reflection I have to make my brain tell myself that I no longer have a BMI in the "obese" category, that I am no longer 50lb overweight, that I am a very healthy and normal size.

It's like my brain hasn't caught up with my body.

This is kind of a scary thought for me. I am only 2lb from my goal weight, yet every time I look at myself I still see the chubby girl I was before. Although my confidence has definitely risen, it is a daily struggle to remind myself that I don't need to be self conscious about my body anymore.

Will this ever go away?
Will I ever feel at home in my body?

I wonder these things, as my clothes fit better and better, and I am physically able to do more at the gym and to push myself harder, while food becomes less and less of a struggle and more of a habit. Right now, I don't see it happening by the time I reach goal. I see this being a life-long commitment, constantly reminding myself I am now a societal norm.

How do you overcome self-confidence issues?