healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sunday WI

After a terrible case of dehydration and hypoglycemia yesterday morning (I ate 2 banana's, 2tbsp peanut butter, 2 granola bars, a piece of baby bell cheese and 2 squares of chocolate), I was a little worried to say the least about how the scale would respond. Once I started feeling good again I stayed OP the rest of the day, and tracked my little mix up, but there was really nothing I could do because I felt so weak and shaky that I had to grab the easiest thing that was in sight.

137!

YAY! 2lb till goal :) Go exciting. My 5 day gym streak did me well!

I am starting school again tomorrow, which means I know the weight loss will severely slow down, if not completely stopping altogether, and this is because I am going in to my final clinical, which is going to throw off my days and my eating schedule.

I feel prepared with the tools to make healthy choices and plan my days accordingly, but I know I will need to use some of my WP every day just to make sure I am not getting too hungry. Since I will be getting up at 5am some days I will have to be smart and plan my calories in a way so that by 10am I am not burning out and having to eat my lunch. It will be a challenge, but I am up for it! It will be a true test of listening to my body and its hunger signals.

Looking at the fitness side of things, I have made a personal goal to go to the gym 3x a week for this half of the semester. Now, in the past this hasn't always been feasible as school and homework unfortunately take priority and I struggle with fitting it all in, but this semester I am going to give it a solid shot. Hopefully I can find my balance!

Here is to a week of staying OP, tracking everything, and working out 3x!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Boys.. Boys.. Ugh. Boys.

Been Bloggin' a lot lately... Must have a lot to say. That or I am so incredibly bored from reading week. I dunno. Haha

As of today, I am swearing off Boys. "What a ridiculous claim", some might say, but I truly believe it is the answer to finding happiness within myself, and lets face it. Every guy (*ahem* boy), I have chosen since Matthias hasn't worked out well in my favor. I am starting to see a trend with the guys I see, and this needs to stop Right Meow.

All of them have been lazy, unmotivated, and not willing to put in any effort or commitment. Not to say they haven't been nice guys, they have all been very nice, just not at the same level as I am.

I am smart, funny, semi-confident (confident in personality, kinda O.K. with my looks), motivated, accomplished (at 20, I am the president of my school's Nursing Society, plus at the age of 21 I will be a Registered Nurse, WOAH!), kind, caring, compassionate, romantic, and fairly easy to please.

Whilst discussing my annoying love life with a friend she pointed out that she didn't think I was ready to make a commitment and this is why the guys I am attracting are bad-news-bears. This pretty much stopped me in my tracks and made me think... Yeah, that sums it up.

I was committed for 5 years of my adolescent/young adult life. Now don't get me wrong, they were a good 5 years and I am so incredibly thankful that Matthias and I are moving on and are good friends, but this has kind of turned me off commitment, hence the guys I am attracting only want to be the ever lovely Friends-With-Benefits.

Now, for the first few months I was Okay with the whole idea, and some days even now I am Okay with it. It is nice knowing people want to be intimate with you, but with no intimate emotions attached.

I decided I was going to go at it alone, at least for my coming 6 week clinical, because lets face it, I am just too busy for a guy.

All in all, my conclusion stands. No boys, men, guys for me. I am done with lowering my standards for anyone. I deserve to be taken on a real date and to be "woo-ed". If I meet the guy willing to put in the effort, I will be equally as willing, but right now that looks bleak.

I need to be happy on my own before I can be happy with someone else. I am every so slowly getting there! :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Eating Out Stress

I have found that now that I only have 4lb left to lose, all I want to do is prepare my own food. I think I may be being a little bit irrational, but I am so focused, that I don't want anything to jeopardize my success.

A. I know the scale is just a number, but I cannot get my hair cut/dyed until it says a specific number :P I would feel like I was breaking a promise to myself.
B. I am already very very happy with my progress, and in the long run, what will 4lb look like, but I have a number in my head, and by god, I need to reach it.

Case in point:

It is my sisters birthday this Saturday, and she wants to eat out at East Side Mario's, yum. I love ESM, but their free bread, and practically unlimited number of carb rich choices is deadly. I weigh in on Sundays. Uh Oh. I have worked so hard this week, tracking, exercising every day, drinking my water, making healthy choices, I feel fantastic. I don't want to jeopardize a possible loss by eating out the night before :( Does this make me a terrible sister or what?

I have been analyzing the NI from their menu, trying to plan out a meal that will be both satisfying and points friendly and I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible. Not the mention the fact that the sodium content is outrageous and I would gain water weight from eating one bowl of starter salad alone.

What do I do?

Yes, I have 40/49 weekly points, and Yes, I have 30AP points that could be used.. But I have found my last 2 weeks that eating my weekly's left me with a very minimal loss. I know any loss is a good loss, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have worked SO hard to get to the end, I don't want anything to throw me off balance.

I called my mom to see if we could change the date to Friday. But in all honesty, I have no desire to eat out. I want my healthy food, that I prepare myself, because I know what goes in to it, and I will know exactly what I am ingesting, no hidden agendas.

Am I being completely unreasonable?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

WI

I am officially changing my Weigh Day to Sunday. I think this will be more conducive to my life as Sunday's are a day where I get to sleep in and I like to weigh myself at 10am for consistency.

I debated changing to my dad's automatic scale, as it said I was 142.5 yesterday morning, but today when I stepped on the scale I was 145, which cannot in any way be correct as I stayed OP yesterday, drank all my water, did not cheat, ext.. ext.. So I am sticking to old faithful, the scale I started this journey with, and the scale I will continue on with.

139.

YAY! I am officially in the 130's! Woo! I haven't been in the 130's in over 5 years! That's huge! Or tiny! Haha :)

Plan for this week:
- Reading Week! 5 Days of Activity, 3 of which MUST be at the gym.
- Eating Good & Tracking; Shall be easy as I am hibernating in my house and have no plans aside from the gym.
- 2L of water a day keeps the weight away.
- Track Fruit; I am interested to see if this will have any effect on my weight loss, as when I track the NI for a Banana they are 3p+ and 2p+ for an apple. They are really the only fruit I eat besides Blueberries, which is 1p+ for half a cup, so I will let them slide.

4 more to go. Lets git'r'done.

Friday, February 18, 2011

CrossFit Success :)

Today I was sitting in Research Class, bored, as usual, and decided I would ask my friend George what he was up to tonight. He told me he didn't have anything special planned and asked if I wanted to join him at his CrossFit class and then have dinner after.

Curious, as I had only heard of the intensity of CrossFit, but not actually of what it was, I decided that I had to try it, because I am 47lb skinnier, and I feel healthy and I want to push myself and find new ways to keep active and have fun.

Boy, oh, Boy. I had no idea what I was in for! So we are warming up and George is explaining how it is a circuit-type thing where you do a set amount of reps/distance over a period of time or you have to do up to like 5 times in a row.

Here was today's workout:
- 400m run/row
- 30 squats where you throw a medicine ball against a wall in between each
- 30 box jumps

x5.

(sorry if I am not totally technical with it, I'm still learning :) haha)

Holy Mother. After the first set I was ready to be done. The negative questioning started to creep up, "Could I do this?" "I don't know if I can make it through 5 sets" "This is so hard".

Then something wonderful happened... It's like the negative talk was replaced by positive talk all on its own. I thought to myself "You know what, you have lost 47 freaking pounds. You have already done 1 rep and are half way through the next, You can do this, Your body will do this, It doesn't matter if you are the last one done, what matters is you push yourself and you finish."

So that's what I did. For the next 25ish minutes I repeated to myself "You can do this" over and over and over until I was done.

I completed the circuit in 30minutes and 28seconds! Hell Yes! I did it! So proud of myself and my body and my mind and my spirit and everything else about me!

After the tremendous workout we went out for Vietnamese. We went to a place I had never been called Fusion Cafe, and they had a whole section for vegetarians! JACK-FREAKING-POT. I had the Vermicelli and Vegetarian Spring Rolls, and after half my plate I recognized that I was about 70% full so I stopped eating. It was almost natural. I say almost because I knew going into the meal that I shouldn't eat all of it, but in the past when I have stopped myself it almost felt bad (not in the hunger sense, but in the binge-eating sense that I used to do) not being able to continue eating.

Today I honored my body. I felt in control, confident about my accomplishments, and proud of who I am.

Celebrate yourself. You are worth it!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

1 Year Loss-iversary

Tomorrow marks my 1 year Loss-iversary of being committed to health, wellness, and weight-loss. It seems weird to think that it has already been a year, and looking back over the events that occurred I see so much tremendous growth within myself.

I have made so many mistakes along the way. So many days where emotional eating took over my brain and even though I knew what I was doing was unhealthy I couldn't stop myself from the feelings of self destruction and loathing. So many days where I would secretly binge at McDonalds and then hide the take out bag so no one knew what I was doing. So many days where I said "I'll work out tomorrow" and then down a chocolate bar and a bag of chips. So many days where I would skip counting points and tracking my food because I was too lazy, scared, not confident, and had no belief in myself that I could ever get to where I am today. So so so many pitfalls. Falling down, and having to pick myself up and start fresh the next day. Those are the days that taught me the most, and looking back now, I wouldn't change any of them or take any of them away because they are the drove me to be here today.

Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't only made mistakes, I just wanted to acknowledge them first before we get on to the good stuff!

Accomplishments. Too many to count. I lay in bed, on the verge of tears (that's what I do! Haha) thinking about how proud of myself I am. How, despite the set backs, I pulled through, I did what needed to be done, and I made it. I lost 40lb. WOW. When I first started this, there was no end in sight. Thinking about this day, the day when I would hit my goal (140 was my original goal), was so scary. Who would I be? What would I look like? What would I feel? Along the way I have put in countless hours at the gym, many days running at the dog park, many nights on my elliptical, many days spent slightly hungry, where a salad just wasn't enough, countless times looking at a take out menu, trying to decipher how many potential calories where in each meal and making the choice of something healthy over something greasy, and many, many, many times crying in frustration. This is such a long process. I have become so much more aware of my self-talk. I am able to identify when I want to emotionally eat, I am able to identify true hunger. I am able to tell myself encouraging words and actually believe them. I look in the mirror and know that I am a pretty girl. These are things I never even fathomed before. They were a distant dream.

I became a vegetarian. This was a big one, and although it has only been about 3 months, I don't ever see myself going back. I feel so much better. I eat so much healthier. I love vegetables. I love fruit. I love experimenting with them, and knowing that the product will be 1 million times healthier and tastier than a Big Mac, Cheeseburger and Medium fries (That's another thing I never thought I would ever say/think!). I love everything about being a vegetarian. The transition was so easy and smooth, and I am so happy with myself for making the commitment and sticking with it.

I think back to the day that "woke me up" about my weight. Now, it isn't the best story in terms of thinking about weight loss for health.. that came later, this is a story about being invisible. It was a Saturday evening, the day before Valentines Day, and I was working at Starbucks with my best friend. We were working a closing shift, and I was so happy to be working with her, cause she is my favorite. 2 Cute guys come in to get coffee. Not really thinking anything of it (I had a boyfriend at the time), Kate and I started talking to them. They both fixed there eyes on her. Now Kate is a very pretty girl, not to mention her petite 115lb, perfect figure. Neither of them glanced my way. Not once. I was on till, and when I asked what I could get them, they said there orders, looking at her the entire time. I felt completely invisible. It wouldn't of mattered if I hadn't been there. They didn't see me. I know, I know, I had a boyfriend that loved me, regardless of my size, but to feel invisible when standing next to your best friend is crushing. I felt so ugly. It took everything for me not to cry. Not to leave and go home and eat all my feelings into a hyperglycemic state. I went home that night and made a commitment to myself that I would change. I was done being invisible.

I created this blog.

I owe each of you, my readers, so much thanks and gratitude for being there for me, even silently, and reading about my struggles. I haven't always been a consistent blogger or weight-loss-er, but being a part of this community has been the cornerstone of my success.

Here I am, 1 year later, so much more confident than I was that Saturday night. Sure, I still struggle with body image issues, that doesn't go away quickly, but I am acknowledging them and working through them day by day.

Here is a list of body changes over 1 year:
- Boobs: Size 36DD to a Size 32C
- Pants: Size 14 to a Size 6
- Tops: XL to a M
- Blood Pressure: I don't know what it was before but it is now 110/60
- BMI: 31.6 to 23.7
- Cholesterol: It was slightly high when I started (Not sure of the #), and I don't know what it is now, but I am assuming it is normal... It makes me curious though, I should get some blood work done, Haha.
- Weight: 180lb to 140lb (a total change of 40lb in one year)


As a celebration for my one year loss-iversary and a grand total of 40lb lost, I purchased myself a Guess Watch. It has been sitting on my dresser for 2 weeks, and I haven't allowed myself to wear it, because I wanted to get to this goal first.

I still have 5lb left until I hit my final goal of 135lb. I still have a life-time of healthy choices ahead of me. But today I am celebrating. Celebrating the life I have created for myself, the life I look forward to living out.

Quick list of goals for this week:
- 4 days of activity
- 2L of water every day (I seriously slacked with my water this week, not good, and the scale noticed.)
- Eat slowly, savor every bite :)

Cheers.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Monday Weigh In

Stepped on the scale this morning after a week of complete commitment. I tracked everything. Including the 3 beers I had on Saturday night, and the Sonoma Valley Salad and Broccoli Cheese Soup from Kelseys I ate on Friday :)

Yay me with a 4lb loss! Down to 141... If I can keep it up this week I will hopefully be at 140 or below by next Monday and then I can wear my Guess watch!

I reached all of my goals last week as well. I consciously ate slower, which was nice because I felt fuller when I was done. I also made sure to drink 2 full glasses of water during my meal also helping with me feeling fuller.

I tried to assess my hunger fully before eating something to ensure that what I was actually feeling was hunger and not just boredom. I think it really worked because I was able to identify 3 times when I was just craving food but not actually hungry for it. This will definitely take practice, but it is a nice start.

4 days of activity. Check. Carried forward to this week.

I will also track everything I eat this week, which I think will be easier this week as I have already had a week of practice!

Here's to another week of weight loss.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Decisons.. Decisions...

I am having a dilemma. Well I don't know if I can even call it a dilemma. I don't know what it is. It is a decision... A huge decision... A life altering, momentous personal growth involved decision... A huge huge huge commitment. But the commitment is for 1 year... Could I do it?

I am currently the President of the Nursing Society at my school, and it has been a lot of work, a lot of organizing, a lot of time consuming nonsense, a lot of trying to motivate others, a lot of picking up slack, a lot of stress, and at times a lot of fun, and always very rewarding (even if I act bitter). I have had a lot of personal growth from it, and although I am looking forward to being done this position I don't think it is because of the tasks it has brought me, it has more or less been the constant feeling of needing to control everything because if something goes wrong it comes back on me and makes me look bad.. Make sense?

Well, now an opportunity has arisen that is even bigger, and even more important than being the President of the nursing society...

I am considering applying to be the Director of Communications of the Canadian Nursing Students Association. This is huge. I would be on the Executive Committee of the Board of Directors... I would also sit in on the national meetings of the Canadian Federation of Nurses Unions.. Wow. Momentous. Gigantic. So So SO Important.

Tasks involved with this job?
- Meeting Minutes & Transcription
- Monthly Teleconference with President and Vice President
- Attending Board of Directors Meetings across the country
- Attending CNFU Meetings across the country
- Keeping the website up to date
- Regulating website forums
- Sending messages to all delegates of the CNSA

Do I think this is a bigger job than being the president? Honestly, I don't know. I mean the president was a lot of work. But that was more or less organizing every event that we had to do... This is on a larger scale, but I am a fast type-er, and I am computer-savy, so I don't think website updates or typing minutes would be hard.

I will be in my 4th year of studies next year.. Which I have heard unanimously that it is easier than 3rd year.

I wont have a job next year, I wont take dance class next year, I wont have a boyfriend next year... I will have school and the hour of dance I teach on the weekend.

Can I fit this in?

Do I want to fit this in? Absolutely. Wow. To be on a board of directors like this at the age of 20/21... I would be starting out my career so strong. It would look phenomenal on my resume, and I would learn SO much.

Can my sanity take this? I sincerely hope so... It will be hard work, but I think it will pay off in the end.

I am setting up a meeting with the chair of the program at RDC to see if I can get faculty support as I will be missing some of my classes next year for meetings (if I were to win the position).

Really, what could I lose? Maybe a little time. But what will I gain? So much.

What is your opinion? Do you think I should go for it?