healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Bad Weeks Happen to Good People...

...Committed People Move On.

This is what I am telling myself upon arrival home to the lovely Red Deer, Alberta. Hamilton was a whirlwind roller coaster ride, and boy am I so so so glad to be home. Happy to be home to my friends, my bed, my house, my pets, my school, and most important my eating habits. It never occurred to me how much I took my eating habits for granted before they were viciously (okay, not so viciously, more or less deliciously) ripped from my hands.

Some things I learned:
- I love fruit and vegetables and feel lost without their presence - especially bananas and blueberries in the morning and carrots with lunch. Wow.
- I don't need Starbucks to survive - Hamilton had no Starbucks (Shocker!) So I went almost an entire week sans latte... lets see how long I can continue! I still drank Tim Hortons 1/2 Coffee 1/2 Hot Chocolates, but hey, you can't have everything
- I really really miss working out - I need to put my health and exercise as a top priority, even if it ends up just being 30 minutes a day.
- I enjoy Points Plus! - I missed being able to track the food that I was eating

Where did all of these lovely lessons leave me? Well, they left me with a 3lb gain, putting me to 145.

Goals for this week:
- The ever obvious get back on track! - This includes tracking every lovely morsel of food that enters my dainty mouth.
- Eat slower - This is a big one for me. I like to eat it all up so fast and it makes it hard to assess how hungry/full I actually am, leading me to over eat and feel bloated and gross afterwords. I am going to try and start listening to my body more by slowing down and rating my hunger and fullness on a 10 point scale. I will aim to be about 7/10 fullness and eat my meals at about a 6-7/10 hunger level.
- Exercise! Woohoo! - I am excited for this one. My goal is to get in 4 days of activity excluding my Monday night dance class.
- Smile, Breathe, and Go Slowly - I love Zenhabits.net and their accompanying motto. This week I am going to take life one day at a time, try to get as organized as possible, and try to control my stress levels. I also want to take 20min a day for relaxation before bed, whether that be reading, or meditating, something without technology.

Weeks like this will happen. There will be times when I will slip up multiple days in a row. Life long journey. Now is the time to collect myself, and move forward.

What are some of the ways you assess your hunger and fullness levels? I find it very difficult to be aware of what my body is telling me and I find that I only really realize it when I am on both extreme ends of the spectrum, starvation or fully-bloated.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Emotional Instability

I hate school. Right now, I hate Everything about it. I hate the assignments, I hate the workload, I hate the support-courses, I hate tests, I hate the fact the fact that it is all-encompassing of my time, and that I don't get time for a break, I hate the fact that it has wrecked my relationships.

I don't watch full TV episodes anymore because I feel guilty if I sit there for more than 15 minutes at a time. I watch "I used to be Fat" in 4 segments of 15 minutes whenever I eat a meal, so that I don't think I am taking away from my homework time. It took me three nights to watch "Eat Pray Love" because I watched it in 45min segments right before I fell asleep.

I don't have time to work out for more than 30 minutes at a time (if that!). I hate this SO much. Working out makes me feel so empowered and in control and I can't even enjoy it because I feel stressed about the school work that I have to do.

It is so so so hard to think of this as being worth it in the end, because right now the end seems so far away and unfathomable.

Nursing has wrecked my relationships. I attribute part (definitely not all) of my break up with Matthias to nursing because it changed me as a person, took away any couple time we had, and made me depressed and anxious all the time

I don't like School-Amie. I feel so down all the time. No motivation to do anything. I just want to crawl in my bed and sleep because that is the only time I don't think about nursing.

Okay. Enough of that. On to the good (yay!) stuff.

Because of my lack of control these past few weeks, I figured it was time to re-commit myself to weight watchers and finally try out this Points Plus thing. I also changed my goal weight to 135lb. This weight falls right in the middle of where a healthy BMI is, and I would like to try and get there.

I signed up for points plus 3 days ago, and I decided to weigh myself today to see my progress. 142lb! Down 2lb! 2lb till 140 and 7lb till 135!

I like to think that if I can't control any other aspect of my life (my emotions, my lack to time, my homework load), then maybe I can control my food intake, and track it.
It has been a breeze so far. I love the fact that I can eat all the Banana's I want as long as I am hungry!! I love that all the fruits and vegetables I love are 0 points!

On Tuesday I am going to Hamilton, ON for a Nursing Conference. I am very excited for this as my favorite nursing theorist (Jean Watson!) is one of the key note speakers.

I am also nervous because I will have a lot less control over my food choices, and I will be drinking a lot more alcohol. Thank goodness for Vodka-Water-Cran's. :) I am bringing some pre-packed vegetables and all the fruit in my house as well as some granola bars for the other girls to snack on.

I feel like I am equipped with the tools I need to make healthy choices. I just worry that I wont be able to plan in advance.

How do you deal with being unable to plan your food days?
Any tips?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

2011 - Year of Serenity

I was cruising the internet today, doing the usual, reading blogs, about weight loss, inspiration, motivation, meditation, the whole 9 yards, when I came across a post discussing a new way to make resolutions for the new year. Now, I know we are already 19 days in to the new year, but I don't think there is any wrong time to make a resolution.

The way this resolution works? Pick a word to describe how you want your year to unfold, what you want to focus on, what you want to be and do.

I thought this task to be a daunting one. One word? To describe everything that I want to be?

Happiness, Health, Confidence, Acceptance

This is what I want to focus on this year. I want to be happy, with myself, my relationships, my commitments, my life. I want to be healthy, to find that "Aha!" weight where I feel it all come together, where I don't constantly look in the mirror wondering if I look fat. I want to be confident, in my body, mind and soul, to take pride in my accomplishments and own them. And the most important one (in my opinion), I want to find acceptance of myself and my life, what it was, is, and what it will become.

So why did I chose serenity?
serenity |səˈrenitē|
noun ( pl. -ties)
the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled
When I find happiness, acceptance, and build some confidence, I believe that I will find serenity. I will no longer be troubled. I will be happy with everything in my life. Maslow called it self actualization. I suppose that is a part of it.

I was talking in my sleep the other night and the next morning Andrew told me that I said "Where is my life going?". Wow. I was speechless when he told me that. Talk about delving into my innermost self.

I once was a very structured person, and I suppose to an extent my life still is (school, work, dance, ext.. my busy busy schedule). But elsewhere, I have no structure at all. When I graduate in a year and 11 weeks (Yes, I am counting), I have absolutely no idea what I will do and where I will go. I like the less-structured Amie a lot more than the anal, over-analytic psycho control freak I used to be. I feel more peaceful now, even surrounded by all of my obligations and commitments. I look forward to graduation. I look forward to downsizing my commitments and just being.

Ask me where I see myself in 5 years? I see myself being Serene.


This is me today. This is me at 144lb. This is me searching for my Serenity :)

Now I must ask you, what is your word for 2011? Post a comment and let me know what it is and why.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

School+Stress=Gain

Ugh. School is so extremely stressful. No wonder I didn't lose any weight during my last tutorial session. Over my last clinical and month off, exercising became very important to me, even if it was only 30 minutes a day, I still tried to get it in 4-5 days a week.

Now that school has started, I barely have time for anything but homework and it seriously stresses me out. On top of being the president of the nursing society, a full course load, dance, teaching dance, and trying to settle issues with the ex, I barely have any time for relaxing, and who wants to get up and go to the gym when its time to relax?

Last week I only exercised twice, and I ate out maybe too much (although I made healthy choices), and this resulted in a 1lb gain. Not too much. So I guess it will do. I am now at 143lb. 3lb till goal.

This week I have started off right. I did my 30 day shred video twice and went for a run today at the dog park. What a great feeling! Last time I went for a run I could only go around the short circle, barely making it without feeling like dieing. This was 6 months ago. This time, in the snow, I made it around the long circle and felt like I could keep going! Next time I will try to go around the very long circle and see if I can make it! What a great NSV.

Trying to keep track of the eating by writing it all down in my diary. At this point I will be content if I stay 143 for the entire 6 weeks of tutorial, as long as no more gains occur I will be happy.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

First Week Back to School

Wow! Last week seemed to fly by. I had so much to do, in so little time, and I think (???) I got most of it accomplished.

Weigh-In: 142lb. 2lb till goal!

As for exercise, I had a terrible cold and really bad back pain so I only worked out 3 times. Twice on the elliptical, Once at Hot Yoga.

Food wise I did well this week. I made good choices all week, didn't drink, and managed to cut out Starbucks on two separate occasions! I also didn't buy soft ice cream at the hockey game, and turned down a Cupcake when I helped out a friend! Yay! I wasn't even resentful after.

On Friday I had my first tutorial and we went into the simulation lab to see what a trauma patient looks like. I started out the morning good - I had yogurt, granola, berries and a banana for breakfast, so I wasn't hungry.

Well, 30 minutes in I started to feel dizzy, saw spots in my vision, and knew I was going to faint. Sure enough I did. Wow! What a strange feeling. Thankfully I didn't hit the floor, I just leaned on the girl next to me, and also thankfully I was surrounded by nurses! How embarrassing though on my first class.

I think it was probably my iron that made me faint. I can't think of any other possibilities as to what it was because I ate a good breakfast and wasn't hungry. I am going to make a doctors appointment and get my blood work checked out.

I was iron-deficient anemic before when I rarely ate meat, and now that I don't eat any meat I assume that I am iron-deficient even more. I also don't take an iron supplement (oops!) so I should probably start one of those too.

Any other suggestions as to what you guys think would have lead to my fainting spell?

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Years Loss :)

Well, after a week of feeling like I ate way too much I am very happy to report that I actually lost weight within the past week. Maybe it was all the walking?

I am not too sure how it happened, but either way I am ecstatic! Only 4lb until I reach my goal weight! I have been working at this for 11 months now. It would be amazing to be able to reach goal by the 1 year mark!

It feels so nice to be home too. I feel way more in control of the food that is offered to me and way more empowered to make healthy decisions.

Lots of shopping was done :) I bought Medium sized T-shirts, a SMALL hoodie, and some more SIZE 6 pants! Yay Me!

Upon arrival home I thought it would be a good idea to go drinking and dancing. This turned out to be not such a good idea as I blacked out, and lost my phone. I lost ALL my numbers :( Way to be Amie.

Ah well. Live and Learn, and be Healthy!