I have had a very bad week.
I have been eating for my emotions. I have been trying to soothe myself with Chocolate. Lots of it. Would I consider it a binge? Yeah. I would. I don't deny the fact that I have eaten it. But I haven't tracked it either.
There are no excuses for my lapse in judgement. Yes, my cat Oliver ran away. Yes, it was that time of the month. Yes, I have worked the last 6 out of 7 days and have felt exhausted.
Eating shitty isn't the answer. I am left sitting here feeling discouraged, fat, and sugar dependent. It is not a good feeling. I have eaten way too much chocolate over the last week that the thought of it actually turns me off right now.
My mantra right now is "I don't like chocolate."
What am I going to do about this predicament?
Well, I have always been one to say that consistency and commitment are the two things required to lose weight, and now to maintain. The last week I have been VERY inconsistent and VERY uncommitted to eating healthy, whole foods. The result ... a belly ache.
My weight loss and my drive to change my lifestyle has come in waves throughout the past 18 months. It comes ... I have that boost to do what I need to do, I lose weight. It goes ... I stay the same for a little bit, I gain a pound, freak out, and the motivation returns.
Right now I weigh between 121-122. I don't step on the scale every day, because it easily becomes an obsession for me. Right now, I want to go by how I feel based on the foods I am putting into my body. Right now, I feel like crap.
Right now, it changes.
I will be attempting to detoxify my body from the sugar that I have been consuming. I won't be able to cut it out completely, as that is irrational, but I definitely need to make a change.
I know in my heart, and I know with all of my being that I have lost this weight for good, but that doesn't mean I am perfect. I still have a lot to learn.
Paul bought me a book called Ani's Raw Food Essential's and I have been reading it for the past 2 days. It is pretty interesting so far, and I am looking forward to creating some Live Food dishes, using whole, fresh, unprocessed ingredients.
With my 3 busy weekends coming up (2 in Grande Prairie for a Wedding, 1 in BC for a Reunion) I will be tested with my lifestyle, but I am ready, and motivated to take on that challenge, eat intuitively, track, and continue to maintain my weight between 120-125lb.
P.S. I miss my Oliver :(