healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Happiness, Realized.

The last four weeks have been extremely busy for me, whether it be clinical days starting at 5am and going till 5pm, or clinical evenings starting at 12pm and going till 11pm, I have managed to keep my eating in check and go to the gym exactly as my training schedule says.

For me, this is huge. In the past, when my schedule would get out of hand (as it often does), I would eat anything and everything in sight, with no goals or plans in place, leading to a train-wreck of emotional eating, binges, and unhappiness.

I have managed to lose weight this entire clinical session, even though it has only been 4lb, that is still 1lb a week, and considering I only have 6lb left to go, that is incredible. Even the days where I felt like my eating was slightly crazed, upon reflection I know that I was being irrational. Yes. I had a handful of chips and an extra square of chocolate. Or, Yes. I had 6oz of hot chocolate. Or, Yes. I had a power bar that wasn't planned with my dinner. Or, finally, Yes. I had a Full Sized Cookies & Cream Cupcake from BabyCakes Cupcakery. But I still managed a loss each week.

What is great about all of this? The fact that every day I wake up, and realize that I am at this weight, I become more and more confident that I can stay here. Some days, it feels like it has happened over night. Like I should still be 190lb, un-happy, un-confident, all of the possible "un's" out there. Then I remember....

This took a LONG time. This was A LOT of work.

But this is my life now. Eating fast food just isn't an option anymore. It doesn't even cross my mind when I drive by McDonald's. Buying a Chocolate Bar while standing in line at the grocery store is easy to say no to. Eating more than 5 or 6 Kettle Chips (my dad's favorite) naturally just doesn't happen anymore. The first one tastes the same as the last one. Why should I stuff my face?

I used to close my bedroom door, and do everything from sit on my hands, listen to music, go on Facebook, anything, to keep me from going to the kitchen for a binge. It was hard. It took everything, every ounce of will power I had, to stay in my room. Was I hungry? No. Old Habits die hard, and when I am bored, I want to eat.

Now, when I am bored, eating doesn't cross my mind. I don't need it to pass the time. I can do other things I love, like reading, surfing the net, or going for a run instead.

What does that mean for me? This, everything I am doing, is truly a lifestyle now.

It makes me so happy, it increases my confidence 10 fold, to be able to make this statement and believe it 100%.

If you are struggling, if you are nearly rocking back and forth in your seat to avoid a binge, if you are upset at the scale for not showing you the numbers you want to see, if your head still shows you at way more than you actually are, it gets easier. Keep at it. Stay consistent. Remain committed. You are worth it.