healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Today, I made my impossible, Possible.

I remember thinking this was an impossibility. That weighing 135lb just simply could not be done by me. My body was too big for that weight, I could never get there. It was so far off my radar that I was scared to let myself think I could do it, because I did not want to fail.

I have failed plenty of times in the past. Maybe that is why it seemed so impossible? Being on and off Weight Watchers for 4 years, with only mild success each time, before my motivation would run out and my weight would climb back up to the 180's, made me think that weight loss was the one thing I couldn't do.

I like to think that I am a very motivated, go-get-what-I-want kind of girl. But when it came to losing weight, I was scared, because it was really out of my comfort zone, because I didn't know who I would be, what I would look like, what emotions I would feel, if I didn't have food to fall back on.

I remember feeling so fed up with the way I looked that I just couldn't look at the mirror anymore.

Who is this girl staring back at me?
She feels ugly, fat, unwanted, unnoticed, unspecial.

So I made a commitment. The difference this time? I started this Blog. I had never written any sort of diary when I was younger, I never had a journal or wrote anything besides school assignments and notes to my friends. I had no idea what I was doing, but I had read Amanda's Blog Busting Through It, and she inspired me to start my own. Amanda - Thank You. I probably couldn't have accomplished this if I hadn't stumbled upon your blog.

With no self confidence, and no belief in myself that I could do this, Matthias told me that I could do anything I put my mind to. He knew my perfection-ist ways, and he believed in me. Matthias - Thank you so much. You were there to tell me I could, even when I didn't think it myself.

Whenever I felt down about my slow moving progress, Katelyn was there to offer her support and tell me that I could do it. That I didn't need the hot dog at the hockey game that I so craved. She never stopped believing that I could make it here. She was the one who pushed me to change my goal weight to 135. Thank you so much Dragon. Your support is so appreciated.

Today, after one week of not stepping on the scale (I wanted it to be a surprise), I reached my goal weight.

I can't stop crying. I am so incredibly happy, in awe, amazed, proud.... it feels like a dream. It feels like I need to pinch myself and wake up. But this is my new reality. This is the product of my hard work. All of the struggles, all of the triumphs, have led me to here.

This is the start of a new life. Or I guess, it is the continuation of the new life I started for myself a year ago? Making this a new and exciting chapter. One that still needs work... I still have to work on my confidence issues, my body issues, my over all self-esteem. But I know that I have created a foundation for myself that will offer continued success. I know how to fuel my body without obsessing over food. I know how to indulge and enjoy life without binging and throwing in the towel.

For anyone out there who is reading this and struggling with weight loss, if you have no idea how to do it yourself, join a plan (like Weight Watchers), they will teach you how to do it. Commit yourself fully. Consistently chose to be healthy. You will fall in love with it. I did it. You can absolutely do it to.