healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Body Image - Growing and Evolving

I think I will put off the very necessary homework I have to prepare myself for this coming cardiac clinical to blog instead. Whats another 15 minutes? :P NOTHIN!

This may get a little philosophically out of hand... I hope you all can follow this train of thought. Good luck!

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

I find that the closer I come to my goal weight the more I start to realize that I don't look the same way that I did before. Duh, right? Not so much. I have found in the past few days that I am wondering more and more how other people perceive the "outer" me. I used to be the "Cute-Chubby-Girl" to everyone I knew. Has this image of me changed? What do they see when they look at me now? I know, I know, it shouldn't matter what they think, but societal norms, and extrinsic opinion of our body image, shape our internal view point of how we perceive ourselves and how we believe other people perceive us as well.

It shouldn't matter how we look on the outside, but often this is what we are judged on first. I have spent a life-time being judged as the bigger girl. Now that I am not bigger, 1 year hasn't made my brain stop thinking like it has for the previous 19 years. Just as my eating habits needed re-programming, my eyes and their attachment to my occipital lobe need re-programming so that I can start to see myself the way that I hope others see me as well. Hows that for some nursing anatomy for ya?!

Let me break it down for you. This is how I see myself.

When I look in the mirror, I need to mentally remind myself that I am physically not the same person I was before. Every time I see my reflection I have to make my brain tell myself that I no longer have a BMI in the "obese" category, that I am no longer 50lb overweight, that I am a very healthy and normal size.

It's like my brain hasn't caught up with my body.

This is kind of a scary thought for me. I am only 2lb from my goal weight, yet every time I look at myself I still see the chubby girl I was before. Although my confidence has definitely risen, it is a daily struggle to remind myself that I don't need to be self conscious about my body anymore.

Will this ever go away?
Will I ever feel at home in my body?

I wonder these things, as my clothes fit better and better, and I am physically able to do more at the gym and to push myself harder, while food becomes less and less of a struggle and more of a habit. Right now, I don't see it happening by the time I reach goal. I see this being a life-long commitment, constantly reminding myself I am now a societal norm.

How do you overcome self-confidence issues?