healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

1 Year Loss-iversary

Tomorrow marks my 1 year Loss-iversary of being committed to health, wellness, and weight-loss. It seems weird to think that it has already been a year, and looking back over the events that occurred I see so much tremendous growth within myself.

I have made so many mistakes along the way. So many days where emotional eating took over my brain and even though I knew what I was doing was unhealthy I couldn't stop myself from the feelings of self destruction and loathing. So many days where I would secretly binge at McDonalds and then hide the take out bag so no one knew what I was doing. So many days where I said "I'll work out tomorrow" and then down a chocolate bar and a bag of chips. So many days where I would skip counting points and tracking my food because I was too lazy, scared, not confident, and had no belief in myself that I could ever get to where I am today. So so so many pitfalls. Falling down, and having to pick myself up and start fresh the next day. Those are the days that taught me the most, and looking back now, I wouldn't change any of them or take any of them away because they are the drove me to be here today.

Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't only made mistakes, I just wanted to acknowledge them first before we get on to the good stuff!

Accomplishments. Too many to count. I lay in bed, on the verge of tears (that's what I do! Haha) thinking about how proud of myself I am. How, despite the set backs, I pulled through, I did what needed to be done, and I made it. I lost 40lb. WOW. When I first started this, there was no end in sight. Thinking about this day, the day when I would hit my goal (140 was my original goal), was so scary. Who would I be? What would I look like? What would I feel? Along the way I have put in countless hours at the gym, many days running at the dog park, many nights on my elliptical, many days spent slightly hungry, where a salad just wasn't enough, countless times looking at a take out menu, trying to decipher how many potential calories where in each meal and making the choice of something healthy over something greasy, and many, many, many times crying in frustration. This is such a long process. I have become so much more aware of my self-talk. I am able to identify when I want to emotionally eat, I am able to identify true hunger. I am able to tell myself encouraging words and actually believe them. I look in the mirror and know that I am a pretty girl. These are things I never even fathomed before. They were a distant dream.

I became a vegetarian. This was a big one, and although it has only been about 3 months, I don't ever see myself going back. I feel so much better. I eat so much healthier. I love vegetables. I love fruit. I love experimenting with them, and knowing that the product will be 1 million times healthier and tastier than a Big Mac, Cheeseburger and Medium fries (That's another thing I never thought I would ever say/think!). I love everything about being a vegetarian. The transition was so easy and smooth, and I am so happy with myself for making the commitment and sticking with it.

I think back to the day that "woke me up" about my weight. Now, it isn't the best story in terms of thinking about weight loss for health.. that came later, this is a story about being invisible. It was a Saturday evening, the day before Valentines Day, and I was working at Starbucks with my best friend. We were working a closing shift, and I was so happy to be working with her, cause she is my favorite. 2 Cute guys come in to get coffee. Not really thinking anything of it (I had a boyfriend at the time), Kate and I started talking to them. They both fixed there eyes on her. Now Kate is a very pretty girl, not to mention her petite 115lb, perfect figure. Neither of them glanced my way. Not once. I was on till, and when I asked what I could get them, they said there orders, looking at her the entire time. I felt completely invisible. It wouldn't of mattered if I hadn't been there. They didn't see me. I know, I know, I had a boyfriend that loved me, regardless of my size, but to feel invisible when standing next to your best friend is crushing. I felt so ugly. It took everything for me not to cry. Not to leave and go home and eat all my feelings into a hyperglycemic state. I went home that night and made a commitment to myself that I would change. I was done being invisible.

I created this blog.

I owe each of you, my readers, so much thanks and gratitude for being there for me, even silently, and reading about my struggles. I haven't always been a consistent blogger or weight-loss-er, but being a part of this community has been the cornerstone of my success.

Here I am, 1 year later, so much more confident than I was that Saturday night. Sure, I still struggle with body image issues, that doesn't go away quickly, but I am acknowledging them and working through them day by day.

Here is a list of body changes over 1 year:
- Boobs: Size 36DD to a Size 32C
- Pants: Size 14 to a Size 6
- Tops: XL to a M
- Blood Pressure: I don't know what it was before but it is now 110/60
- BMI: 31.6 to 23.7
- Cholesterol: It was slightly high when I started (Not sure of the #), and I don't know what it is now, but I am assuming it is normal... It makes me curious though, I should get some blood work done, Haha.
- Weight: 180lb to 140lb (a total change of 40lb in one year)

As a celebration for my one year loss-iversary and a grand total of 40lb lost, I purchased myself a Guess Watch. It has been sitting on my dresser for 2 weeks, and I haven't allowed myself to wear it, because I wanted to get to this goal first.

I still have 5lb left until I hit my final goal of 135lb. I still have a life-time of healthy choices ahead of me. But today I am celebrating. Celebrating the life I have created for myself, the life I look forward to living out.

Quick list of goals for this week:
- 4 days of activity
- 2L of water every day (I seriously slacked with my water this week, not good, and the scale noticed.)
- Eat slowly, savor every bite :)