healthy |ˈhelθē|adjective ( healthier , healthiest )in good health: : feeling fit and healthy.• (of a part of the body) not diseased : healthy cells.• indicative of, conducive to, or promoting good health : a healthy appetite | a healthy balanced diet.• (of a person's attitude) sensible and well balanced : a healthy contempt for authority.• figurative in a good condition• desirable; beneficial• A conscious choice; A life-long commitment.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Emotional Instability

I hate school. Right now, I hate Everything about it. I hate the assignments, I hate the workload, I hate the support-courses, I hate tests, I hate the fact the fact that it is all-encompassing of my time, and that I don't get time for a break, I hate the fact that it has wrecked my relationships.

I don't watch full TV episodes anymore because I feel guilty if I sit there for more than 15 minutes at a time. I watch "I used to be Fat" in 4 segments of 15 minutes whenever I eat a meal, so that I don't think I am taking away from my homework time. It took me three nights to watch "Eat Pray Love" because I watched it in 45min segments right before I fell asleep.

I don't have time to work out for more than 30 minutes at a time (if that!). I hate this SO much. Working out makes me feel so empowered and in control and I can't even enjoy it because I feel stressed about the school work that I have to do.

It is so so so hard to think of this as being worth it in the end, because right now the end seems so far away and unfathomable.

Nursing has wrecked my relationships. I attribute part (definitely not all) of my break up with Matthias to nursing because it changed me as a person, took away any couple time we had, and made me depressed and anxious all the time

I don't like School-Amie. I feel so down all the time. No motivation to do anything. I just want to crawl in my bed and sleep because that is the only time I don't think about nursing.

Okay. Enough of that. On to the good (yay!) stuff.

Because of my lack of control these past few weeks, I figured it was time to re-commit myself to weight watchers and finally try out this Points Plus thing. I also changed my goal weight to 135lb. This weight falls right in the middle of where a healthy BMI is, and I would like to try and get there.

I signed up for points plus 3 days ago, and I decided to weigh myself today to see my progress. 142lb! Down 2lb! 2lb till 140 and 7lb till 135!

I like to think that if I can't control any other aspect of my life (my emotions, my lack to time, my homework load), then maybe I can control my food intake, and track it.
It has been a breeze so far. I love the fact that I can eat all the Banana's I want as long as I am hungry!! I love that all the fruits and vegetables I love are 0 points!

On Tuesday I am going to Hamilton, ON for a Nursing Conference. I am very excited for this as my favorite nursing theorist (Jean Watson!) is one of the key note speakers.

I am also nervous because I will have a lot less control over my food choices, and I will be drinking a lot more alcohol. Thank goodness for Vodka-Water-Cran's. :) I am bringing some pre-packed vegetables and all the fruit in my house as well as some granola bars for the other girls to snack on.

I feel like I am equipped with the tools I need to make healthy choices. I just worry that I wont be able to plan in advance.

How do you deal with being unable to plan your food days?
Any tips?